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4 signs he is escaping marriage

15 February 2016, 18:03 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - I was reading an interesting article and it was advising women on how to get a man to propose. It outlined the various ways in which you can show him what he will be missing if you leave or throw an ultimatum. It also explained how to show him you are the correct wife material for him and proper mother material for the children the two of you will have together. As I read the article I did not even finish, I just came up with this title because I thought to myself, ‘No wonder women are always looking foolish when they are dating or in a relationship.’ They run around doing all these things for someone who is not meant to be with her; basically the wrong men. They are always getting bad advice instead of giving them the brutal honest truth.

In this day and age, you should be more careful of who you run after trying to make a husband out of them. These days, there is nothing like I am pregnant so now we have to get married. People are co-parenting, best case scenario. Worst case scenario is when he leaves and you never see him again because he just never cared.

Our generation, people have already made the decision not to get married. Do they want children? Yes, but this is what happens it is either an arrangement between two consenting people or they have an oops moment and they are done. No need to marry in order to have children.

Watch out for a man who is already a father but seems to be enjoying that bachelor life too much

He already has a child with another woman but they are not together. They decided to raise the child, or in some cases he has more than one baby mother; a son over here and a daughter over there. When you bring up marriage, he says it is something not on his mind or he just closes up. You have been dating and he is looking too easy, not talking about raising a family. That man might already have decided there is no need for permanent arrangement and whatever you do, you will find yourself in hot soup all on your own. He might not mind if you have a child but trust me, he will not be around long enough for that family the business you are planning. He might help raise the child but he will not have the obligation to stay with you; just like the other baby mothers.

Someone who is evading meeting your parents or family

If you are still living at home, and he is dropping you off, he will be allergic to your gate or neighborhood. He asks that you come meet him at some corner because it is too complicated to park and then move from there again. If it is at night, he will keep a distance and just drop you where it is sufficiently safe to his taste. He does not want your family getting ideas like the ones you are having. At least now, if he breaks it off, it is only one party involved to deal with. If it is a family with his phone number, they will keep calling and asking why he is no longer visiting. At least if he is breaking a heart, it is one and it is yours.

He is comfortable with the relationship, but the topic of permanence is forever closed.

The above scenarios will give you the impression that the man does not want a relationship. But do not get it twisted; he likes having a girlfriend, what he does not want is a wife. He does not want marriage, he wants a girlfriend though. Most of the time, a man will tell this to a woman and she will set on a path of trying to change his mind. If a man tells you something, take it and believe it. Do not think he is confused, he does not know what he wants or he just has to see the advantages. If a man is successful to the point you want him for yourself, what makes you think he is confused about something like that?  He knows what he wants you are just the one that wants to ruin herself trying to change his mind for him.

You keep on giving ultimatums and they have never changed anything

‘If you don’t do this, I will go.’ You are still there. ‘I have other people who want me but I am sacrificing myself for you.’ Did he tell you to sacrifice yourself? You are still there. ‘I am the best thing that has ever happened to you.’ Maybe but if you have said all these and nothing has changed, the man is waiting for you to go for someone else to take over. Ultimatums only work when someone actually follows up by changing or doing something to make the situation better the way you want it. If they are still the same, they are biding their time. That man does not want marriage.

‘I just want her to get pregnant and I am done!’ Words spoken by one man, watch the devil you dance with. Don’t think because the man has let you move in or is not too conscious about using protection; has finally let you in. Men have upgraded their game as well. ‘Why buy the cow if I am already getting the milk?’

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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