4 reasons Kenyan marriages fail
09 February 2016, 17:17
Nairobi - First of all, that word sounds very foreign in African
minds, especially Kenyans. This is part of the reason why when you tell your
parent you want to study psychiatry or one of those therapy things in Campus
they will tell you to stop trying to waste their money and do something that is
more important (something that will make sense to their minds). Part of the
reason that when the child is acting up no one is going to say, ‘Let us go to
the therapist’; instead they will ask if the child needs some whooping to get
their mind straight.
What about marriage; two African, nonetheless Kenyans asking
each other if they need to talk to someone who they will have to pay per the
hour? Not going to happen unless they are the ones that have extra change in
the pocket and in the end, one of them will be dragged their. Why?
Because we have our elders who come to our house
Big problems are solved one way; call people, the elders to
your home on a particular weekend. They drink tea, and a bigger feast that
follows while the issue is talked about in lighter tones; or after some
shouting is done and they go back home. The thing they come and do is just
change the atmosphere is the home until the next issue comes up again or it
reoccurs. That is why no one is paying therapists to talk about one issue for
six months or over a year and pay for it as well. We just like saving money!
Women just go and talk to their fellow church women
Most churches in Kenya have that woman who is given a role
of helping young married couples or even older ones. And what do you know? We
don’t pay anything unless you just give her some ‘tea’ with the Lord’s
blessing; or you remove a tithe. So if I have an issue at home, I just go and
talk to someone in church and I am done. I can invite my husband if he is up to
it or we can have a disagreement and he will still have to come along. This
role has also been taken up by a man whom the men can go talk to if they ever
feel like they should.
We have our chamaswhich encourage us
You just go talk to your fellow comrades whom will assure
you that you are not the first, and will not be the last. They will tell you of
their tales as well and it will help you see that yours is not that big of a
deal as you wish it to be. This is also done in someone’s house and food and
tea is also involved. We like eating. Kenyans always look for situations where
they can just be eating.
It is just not part of our culture to talk about our
problems with a stranger or deep things with someone who knows you. We like
boundaries. There are just some things you would rather die with. If not, the
parents come over or you go talk to them. That is it.
I am sure there are many more reasons as to why Kenyans
don’t go to therapist but key features are having to pay someone and secrecy,
we just like keeping it to ourselves.
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