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4 lady tips to boost your relationship

29 April 2015, 16:53 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - There is this course that I used to do in campus that I never really liked. The worst part is, it was a long term course. Like primary, the math you learn in class five will have a question in class eight. This course was the same way, it had a unit in every year and each succeeding unit would borrow from its predecessors. When you are a crammer that does not sit well with you. It was also those courses that you were meant to have an opinion but your opinion should be almost the same as what the lecturer thought otherwise you got a D or a fail. If you must know 7/8 of us got that not so glamorous grade and we hated it because we knew we would have to deal with it gain. Let me try remember its name, it had something to do with psychology and anthropology; the one that talks about virtues and vices.

The reason I am talking about these is because I want to relate them to relationships. (At least I got something out of it.) I will restrain from boring you with the whole list and keep it casual.

Let us start with chastity

I will not tell you not to have sex in relationships, but I will tell you to apply chastity when you get out the door though. You have heard of that popular Kenyan saying,’mwanaume akiwa ndani ni wako, akitaka nje ni wa kila mtu.’

Obviously, I most certainly will not agree with that saying. If you asked me to be in a relationship then why are you also serving on side plates too? Chastity should be practiced in relationships maybe not against each other but definitely against outside temptation. Practice chastity when temptation arises.


I will go with gluttonous (hutosheki) when alluding to this virtue. I am a woman, I can be dissatisfaction can be a trait, Kenyan women take gluttony to extremes. When it comes to materialistic things in relationships that we are in we keep wanting more and better and we use competitors to justify our wants. Competitors in this case are women in our circle. Big car, I want a bigger one. Big house, I want one in Gigiri.  Building a relationship based on such lack of temperance will lead to its downfall obviously because with it, there is no limit. You always want more and more and more. You never get satisfied. Problem is when you make the other person have to bear the burden of that gluttony.


In the relationship. When you want something and you want it now. Give your partner time to even come up with a plan at least. Some of you do not know how to practice patience when it comes to the relationships you are in. Little missteps from your partner’s traits, you are yet to learn how to compromise with them. It is all about patience people. At times you miss out on the good things simply because you were in too much of a hurry and wanted everyone to do it in your pace.


No, ladies. Not charity where you are given stuff. Charity where you love the other person to the extent of self-sacrifice. I know it’s painful but it bears much better and bigger rewards than any other thing. Although, I will not encourage stupidity and tell you to self-sacrifice to a conman. A man you do not know. Giving money, loans and what not and he is out there spending it in some scheme or another missus.

Genuine love, not the one you lose after a minute of not getting your way.

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