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3 ways women ruin relationships

19 August 2015, 15:45 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - I am not saying this is a relationship but I am going to tell you what I did this morning to make sure it would never get to that stage.

I got a call from someone this morning, a man, wishing me a good morning and it looked like it was going to be a long conversation. I did not want to pick the call (just because I do not like talking in the morning) but I also did not want to be rude because I knew I was not going to return the call if I missed it. The first thing that hit me was his accent (soft word for mother tongue influence). I am not against tribes but you know what I am talking about. 42 tribes I am sure you have encountered those.

It got me so turned off I woke up! I was already cancelling him off my list of contenders. He should have just sent me a text, he could have still been on the list.

Choosing the attractive, no-mother tongue influenced guy over personality

If we all chose relationships based on personality and not the physical attractiveness of the person, maybe we might all be a little bit happier. Women, and even men too (so that we are not point fingers), we tend to overlook the guy who was nice to us and continue looking longingly at that guy who has not yet paid attention to us in the hopes that he will notice us and have something with us. In the end we end up losing out on both because the nice guy eventually moves on because he realizes he was a second choice. No one likes being second choice to anyone. Or getting used goods.

Reality versus Fantasy

Fantasy: get a rich, good-looking, hardworking, generous, supportive, young and mature guy who will love you for you.

Reality: there’s always something missing. Young but not mature. Rich but not supportive because he is always busy. Hardworking but barely available. Has all good husband qualities but not as good looking as you would like. Wealthy but narcissistic and does not love you for you, but as an extra trophy.

In fantasy, you get your ideal. In reality you have to get over yourself. You will have to compromise on things. Do not let a guy go because he does not fit your ideal. Having a list is good because it gives you something to work with. It is a map. But maps are never 100%. There is always that hill that is yet to be discovered or was left out.


Meaning that you are not yet mature to handle a real relationship with a real man. You have to realize that men are human beings too and they are prone to err. Even more so than we are. They make mistakes, they will not fulfill all our desires and they can also cry. Show emotion. Do not be childish about things not going your way. Be woman enough to understand how your man works.

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