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3 ways to deal with a bad break-up

12 April 2016, 18:24 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - The best thing you can ever do for yourself is leaving a bad situation the moment you realize it stopped working for you a long time ago. Not many people in relationships are able to do that. For a lot of reasons; dependency over a certain time period, accepting the situation as it just being the way it, ‘better half a loaf than none’-normally works from most couples you meet or whatever else you can think of.

Also a lot of people do not leave bad relationships because it has been ingrained in a lot of minds that you need to be selfless when you choose to be with someone. That is true but what type of selflessness are we talking about? Not having a ‘me’ attitude, giving as much as or more than what you take in a relationship, being open to working it out with someone that wants you and accepts you.

That is the selflessness that we talk about not being in an abusive relationship and staying because you do not want to seem selfish. Staying in a bad relationship because you are doing it for the kids, I bet you it will be a lot worse when you are no longer in the right mind to take care of your kids or you are no longer there for them. That is when you make the wrong decisions-learn to tell the difference between staying in something that makes you better as compared to something that is ruining your life.

It is fine to be mad, angry and regret how things ended

There is no need to be strong and put up a front for people. That is what do and you end up bottling a lot of things until they one day explode and it is normally too late. So if you want to be mad, be mad. If you want to slap someone, then slap them-just get it out of your system because emotions sort of work like rust. The sooner you get rid of it, the better. The more you ignore it, the more the damage that needs to be rectified.

You will not be able to move on to something better if you keep holding onto it

It does not matter what someone did to you, okay maybe it does, but thing is, how does it help you if you keep going back to it? It doesn’t; just makes you more bitter and resentful and if you have kids you start talking badly about someone who is important to them. You end up looking bad in their eyes. The best motto while dealing with negativity is, ‘It could always be worse.’ There is someone always dealing with worse. Accept your baggage, and move on. Heal faster. Learn a lesson. Sticking around to revenge-foolish idea!

Re-establish your independence

A lot of couples take this one too lightly and it is the reason a lot are still in bad relationships. You get with someone and you lose yourself in them. Enjoying each other’s company is one thing but all couples end up in this place where when you see one of them, you are sure the other one is somewhere in the vicinity. Having had such, it will be a lot harder for you to let someone go.

It will be easier for you to bounce back if you are able to do things on your own without having to keep going back to the place you are trying to leave. If you have kids, remain cordial. If someone was formerly a business partner or boss, keep the relationship neutral and professional.

It is not the time to tell someone they owe you because they did that to you; so they need to make it up. You are maintaining the dependence. You cannot move on as long as that is there.



- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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