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3 ways men badly disrespect women

21 March 2016, 19:40 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - It just escapes me on how after the fact the man asks why you cannot be as forgiving as he is. It is rarely the forgiving that is the issue but the type of sinning that was involved.

For example; when she sends you for milk, and you forget, she forgives you. When you lie that you are going for a work thing on a weekend, but you and your boys are actually on some other business, she forgives you-after a bit of sulking and groveling on your part. When you lie that you are busy yet you just don’t want to see her but want to spend the whole weekend home alone and naked in your house, we know what you are doing. She knows what you are doing but isn’t it amazing that she is forgiving and acts like it is the past?

But there are just some things that are very disrespectful and no matter how much you would like to think she is over it, she just might not be.

If you have to cheat, don’t do it with people around or near your woman

Don’t make your woman look foolish for ‘holding you down’ and putting up with your nonsense to the people she is in the most contact with; that includes people that are from your side and know her. Which people am I talking about? Her housemaid, her friend, her relative, her colleagues, your colleagues-just don’t do it with them and go outside both your circles. It is not advocating for cheating but she really does end up looking stupid and worst to someone like her own maid. She cannot even stand up with a straight face and set such a person down when you are going out of your way to make her look incapable of doing the simplest things.

Don’t let her be laughed at by your colleagues. You can just imagine her coming to your office party as the wife, while you have been up to some Tomfoolery with some of your co-workers and not even making a secret of it.

Ask for advice, but don’t dress her down to the same people

You will go and talk to her friend, her relative, a sister or someone whom you are hoping will give you an idea of what is going on with your wife or girlfriend. The problem is when you get too comfortable with it. You start spilling too much and go above and beyond on issues that your woman would not have liked out there about herself or her family. Some of the women your woman might have around her may not be such close friends. No matter what you choose to think; women are catty and you might end up talking to the wrong person that will hang her out to dry. The problem might not even be that you talked to that person but what you told them or the fact that you just skipped talking to her directly and went and spilled her issues to the wrong people.

Or you start over-confiding and getting too friendly with someone she would not like being that much into her life. You think women talk about themselves and their lives when they meet? Wrong. Some of her friends have no idea about her and her life or her husband and she would like to keep it that way, because at the end of the day, ‘these women are not loyal.’

Comparing her to other women-publicly and privately!

The amount of damage that can be done by a man to a woman in his life especially, his wife can be quite irrevocable.

I have a perfect example so that men can really understand what I am talking about. I was talking to a lady, settling into her old age and just looking back. She hates her husband. No, I do not mean dislike but hate. And now, the man is trying to repair for old age sake but the woman is done. I told her to let go of the bitterness but one time during our talks she looks at me and asks me, ‘Do you know how much of my self-esteem my husband has ruined?’

I have never let anyone have that much power over me which is what I advise a lot of women and so I ask if it is really that big of a deal and why she should not just let it go-just live her life from now on. She gives me a particular occurrence. It is something that you can consider small or petty but the fact that she remembers it just proves how much more damage the hubby did that one time long ago.

She tells me he has never treated her right and he hated going with her anywhere but what hurt her was this one time. Her husband comes home with a friend after office hours and he has brought with him a nicely wrapped bottle of wine given at the office. She prepares a meal for them while they talk and relax. The lady is waiting on when the bottle of wine would be opened because it was a really nice mood. The friend is about to leave and the man takes that bottle of wine and gives the friend. The friend looks a bit confused because he also thought it was for the wife but the man tells him to go take it to his own wife. The man gives her a pitying look while trying to joke on why he cannot take it because it is hers but the hubby makes a big to-do and he is clearly saying, ‘Case closed, take it!’

That one time reminded the woman of every other time the man had set her down publicly, in front of friends or other women, like she was not good enough. She has not forgotten to this day because that one moment reminds her of every other moment.

So no matter how many times I say take it easy on the man or ask her to stop hating her husband, I cannot really blame her because I really have no idea of what she has gone through with this man. I can sort of understand her pain of wasted years on man whom never treated her the right way. After eating his youth with a big spoon and living well, she has nothing of the same. He now wants to remember he has a wife; he can spend a good old age with.  Women, don’t take it lightly when I tell you to choose your husband wisely because it is not a joke!

- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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