3 untold rules in relationships
16 December 2014, 16:19
Nairobi - There’s no worse advice that has ever been given such as
doing things together so that a marriage or relationship lasts.
It may work for
some people but at the forefront is the fact that 101% of the time the things
one partner likes to do does not necessarily mean that the other will enjoy
doing. And that starts off the list for things that couples do to make their
Forcing someone to do something with you in a bid to spend
Spending time together is good but at the end of the day,
the person making the request is the one that is going to have to make the
sacrifice. And it should be something that the other partner will not feel
infringed on or it is something they usually prefer doing alone. That is the
only way this would work. And if you are aware that this is the way that your
partner likes spending their alone time, then do not ask to spend time with
them at that particular time. Look for an activity they would not mind sharing.
Correcting your partner
No one reacts well to being criticized hence getting into a
defensive mode and eventually either that leads to them shutting down, not
listening and plain arguing. Having a conversation on what you find wrong with
your partner is creating a “me” situation, you would rather have a “we”
situation and frame your requests as something both of you should work on. Does
not matter if you know you are not the wrong one but a partner will be more
willing to work with you when you take part of the blame rather than making them
look as the source of the blame.
Live within your means
When you chose your partner we would like to assume you knew
their situation and also were aware of where you stand financially. There is a
reason there is the saying that you should live within your means, and it was
probably made up to sum up relationships. Having expectations is good but have
those that will not put a strain in your relationship. Do not plan a one
million shilling wedding when you know you are living in a rented apartment. Do
not ask for a trip to Dubai if you know your partner earns fifty thousand
shillings a month-beer in Dubai is ten thousand shillings so you can just
imagine how much your accommodation will be.
If you have idealized
expectations because you see potential, you are setting up your relationship
for failure especially when it involves money.
When it comes to money in relationships it is better to go in,
with very low expectations just be independent and expect to stand on your own two feet. That way when better comes up, you can exclaim
with joy and not disappointment.
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