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3 untold rules in relationships

16 December 2014, 16:19 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi -  There’s no worse advice that has ever been given such as doing things together so that a marriage or relationship lasts.

It may work for some people but at the forefront is the fact that 101% of the time the things one partner likes to do does not necessarily mean that the other will enjoy doing. And that starts off the list for things that couples do to make their relationships fail.

Forcing someone to do something with you in a bid to spend time together

Spending time together is good but at the end of the day, the person making the request is the one that is going to have to make the sacrifice. And it should be something that the other partner will not feel infringed on or it is something they usually prefer doing alone. That is the only way this would work. And if you are aware that this is the way that your partner likes spending their alone time, then do not ask to spend time with them at that particular time. Look for an activity they would not mind sharing.

Correcting your partner

No one reacts well to being criticized hence getting into a defensive mode and eventually either that leads to them shutting down, not listening and plain arguing. Having a conversation on what you find wrong with your partner is creating a “me” situation, you would rather have a “we” situation and frame your requests as something both of you should work on. Does not matter if you know you are not the wrong one but a partner will be more willing to work with you when you take part of the blame rather than making them look as the source of the blame.

Live within your means

When you chose your partner we would like to assume you knew their situation and also were aware of where you stand financially. There is a reason there is the saying that you should live within your means, and it was probably made up to sum up relationships. Having expectations is good but have those that will not put a strain in your relationship. Do not plan a one million shilling wedding when you know you are living in a rented apartment. Do not ask for a trip to Dubai if you know your partner earns fifty thousand shillings a month-beer in Dubai is ten thousand shillings so you can just imagine how much your accommodation will be.

If you have idealized expectations because you see potential, you are setting up your relationship for failure especially when it involves money.

When it comes to money in relationships it is better to go in, with very low expectations just be independent and expect to stand on your own two feet. That way when better comes up, you can exclaim with joy and not disappointment. 

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