3 tips to dating a stubborn man
02 March 2016, 14:06
Nairobi - I am always saying that there are those things that you
should just not allow to cross the line in your relationship; and that is when
you are constantly bargaining in the relationship. It is always a bad sign when
you have to bargain with your spouse for EVERYTHING for ANYTHING to ever
happen. That is a terrible sign. Someone who likes you will always make an
effort and when they cannot you will understand.
On the other side of the hemisphere are the ones that will
ask you, ‘Na wewe utanifanyia nini?’ It is at this point that your wife will ask
you whether you have ever tried washing your clothes, socks, sheets or came
home at ten and cooked your own meal and you will do what she wants because you
do not want to experience hell on earth.
Is negotiation a good thing in a relationship? Manipulation
is not which where a lot of couples get confused but negotiation can be sort of
good. With marriage there is no such thing as black or white, it is always grey
and you will always be straddling the fence.
How you go about it is what matters. And what are you
negotiating about anyway?
You should not listen to me all the time, because the way I
see it, I am not in your marriage and if it is working fine for you guys, then
keep doing what you are doing. The number one rule that you always need to
maintain is; ‘never let your spouse,
especially your husband, catch you in a lie.’ Just avoid lying because you
will always get caught. Trust me, you
will be caught.
Negotiation only works in the following scenarios
Only if it is a
It can never work if it is always one person doing the
giving because they will reach a breaking point. If they are willing to give in
for you this time then next time you should be the one giving into what matters
to them. Make your relationship work by making it a little bit equal in your
discussions and disagreements. If they accept failure this time, accept their
failure next time. Does not matter if you did not do anything but they know and
they will appreciate. Instead of saying I told you so. No one wants to keep
facing shame every time they try.
What are the two of
you negotiating about?
Someone will say, she said, if I win this time, he should
win next time.’ But what is he winning? Don’t let someone manipulate you into
accepting a situation you do not want because they gave into your demands last
time. Such situations include; second wives or co-wives, working hours that do
not make sense but you give in not to cause strife-generally something that you
will not go along with. Negotiation should have both couples on equal footing
where there is respect and not blatant disrespect.
You can always make a
deal with your spouse
A lot of couples say marriage is not fun, I say, it is
because you married the wrong person. You can do fun things with your spouse
and making deals is one of them. ‘You
prepare them for school this time and I will cook your favourite breakfast.’
‘You do not want me to bring a house help, then you help
around more in the house; deal or no deal?’ If you renege, we are bringing in
one because we have to be realistic helps exist because working hours are no
longer 9-5 and Nairobi traffic has never been forgiving,
I just scratched the surface on the following but I am sure
you could figure out more and better ways to make negotiation a working part of
your marriage or relationship. It is better than grumbling and complaining when
things do not go your way.
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