3 things a woman must check before settling
29 March 2016, 16:35
Nairobi - Is there really a list that you should have? I guess yes,
but I will bet you that what I like might just not be what you like. So you
really have to have your own idea of what you want instead of looking for
people to tell you what they finally settled down on with.
You should not wait until the last minute to start asking
yourself whether they are the right choice because that is how people end up
settling with whoever was just available. If you are dating someone and they
are obviously not aligned to what you want or like, then don’t assume that
things will get better or you can change them. At times you really should just
take whatever face someone serves you and run with it. Don’t assume there is
more behind the mask even after you have been at it for more than a year now.
That is what you should have been doing that whole time-unmasking. Not dating
six years then being angry with someone because they are not turning out as you
wanted and frustrating them as well. That is not their portion but your
Someone who is
willing to meet you half way
This past weekend I was with my sister, mother, my aunt and
her boyfriend. We were having a discussion. My sister has taken it into her head
that her future man should be a person who steps up; like if she is washing
vegetables he should help her by cutting them. It is because she has been
watching my aunt’s relationship. Her man steps up to help her whenever she is
held up; so my sister is like, if I am late he should at least help by
preparing the meal-we work together.
That is a good thing to expect but she is not just expecting
but demanding it. I told her she is about to experience culture shock with that
attitude. When you meet a man and he helps you out, I will not lie to you that
that is what most men are doing out there. Thank your gods and your lucky stars
because someone will stand on your head and tell you but that is not what men
do. If your spouse meets you half way in everything; that is a good man, even
in the simplest things, someone’s heart shows. But how you approach them with
it is what will determine whether they maintain it throughout the relationship.
Demanding for it, might land you in hot soup. This will translate in all
aspects of your relationship; arguments, compromising, discussions and
everything else that is important.
Someone who has an
idea of where they want to be and they are working towards it
The problem comes in when you think you can force ambition
and potential on someone. People are not goats or cows. They have a brain and
if it tells them to work, they will. If it tells them, they need not to hurry,
well hell, they will not hurry but chill. So you find a man and he has already
shown you he is chilling then a few years down the line you start telling him
he ruined your life. You could just as easily have left. They did not mess your
life, you did. If you wanted someone who had more in mind, you could have
waited or looked for that. Men are all over but if you approach your dating
life lazily, picking whatever comes along then it is your fault; never the
Someone who is not
angling to change you or make you better
There is nothing wrong with someone who wants better for
you. Thing is they should just as easily be pleased with who you are and what
you are now. You don’t want someone that will make you insecure or make you
question yourself at every turn. That is how respect and trust is bred. If the
first is not available you will never have the last two.
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