3 things I don't regret at 25
15 June 2015, 14:49
Nairobi - Some of the reason women in their twenties today prioritize
marriage is because our mothers by the time they hit 25, they already had a
child or two as well as marriage in the works. The pressure to do the same even
though that is not what majority of us want plays a part in why some of us
panic when we hit 30 and we still have none of that.
On the other hand it works in the complete opposite when you
see the type of complete disaster your mother’s life was from her prioritizing,
your father, her family and never her. Everything she did was for everyone else
other than her, she believed in your father to an extent that she gave up on
her own career as well as education by staying at home and cheering him on.
What did it get her though? After he got ahead, she was left behind with
children to take care of while he was on his happy-go-lucky cruise.
That is when you see a young woman not prioritize marriage,
put her career first and not be that concerned about family. Because what you
learnt from your mother’s experience is that there is nothing as worse as
hitting thirty, having your children to take care of and no legitimate source
of income because all your beliefs and hopes were on marriage and after all
that it can be lost too.
Most of us live by the choices our mothers made, we base our
decisions from the experiences they had. Most of them not so good that we work
harder and harder to make sure that we do not make the same mistakes they did.
We do not want to be married when we have no career to speak
of nor cannot depend on ourselves
Some of your mothers might have been lucky enough to get
good husbands but not most. You learn early that the worst thing you can ever
do to yourself is completely depend on a man. You also cannot have your child’s
life completely dependent on their father.
My decision was never to get married if I did not have enough disposable
income. My mother has stories for days when it comes to the one time she
decided to listen to my father and be a stay-at-home wife.
Most of us women in our twenties have learnt that career
comes first then family because our mothers made the opposite choice. You
cannot have family if you do not have the first. We want marriage, yes! But
failing to plan is always planning to fail in our books.
Books are good but they will only get you so far.
Some of our mothers did not even go that far when it came to
school but they learned how to survive. Yes, get the degree, the Masters, the PhD!
All of these are amazing accolades to have but if you have those and have to
beg for a job in order to do something then your thinking is not right.
You need to be able to stand on your own two feet when they
are all stripped away, if you cannot then you are on ground zero same as a drop
out. Have something other than your daytime job going on for yourself otherwise
in our economy you will not survive for long. And your children need to eat.
You always need other sources of income, they look good on a bank statement!
Husbands are okay to have but they should never be center
The only way a husband is good for you is when you look at
him as a companion and someone you can pick the phone to call once in a while.
In my opinion! Otherwise, it is all doomed to fail when you base everything you
do, think, want to do and your entire survival on him. I plan to have one of
these, just like I plan to have a Berkin
bag one day but it will not bring my life to a standstill. My mother’s life
came to a standstill when she was too young because the man came around.
Naivety is a horrible crutch! It will just be good to have someone you can grow
old with, laugh with, have sex with when you feel like it and share your life
with after the children go away. Just like that bag you pick it up when it looks
good with an outfit if it’s too loud, you put it down for the next outfit!
Naivety is only good when practicing chastity.
Even the teenagers these days are such quick studies. Do not
be left behind because that is the best thing that came with technology. You
get to lose your naivety even without travel.
The worst thing you can do to yourself as a woman is cling
onto naivety while you suckle a baby. Leave that virtue alone. It is only good for practicing your chastity on
otherwise it brings you down. In business, getting your money, raising your
children, when it comes to your husband, family/ relatives. Do not be naïve!
Have your eyes wide open as well as your guard up.
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