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3 signs of a failing marriage

08 December 2015, 16:08 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - A lot of people will tell you that when you are with the one that is meant to be, love, relationship and marriage is never meant to be hard work. It is; but moving on it gets to a point when you are in a certain situation, relationship and marriage when you realize that for you, it is over. Not because anyone did anything, not because you have found love with someone else and you are worried you will cheat or because your partner is turning you off; it is just over and it is simple. But are you going to be the one to tell them? No, most people do not because it is not about you alone but they are also involved and you might have responsibilities together-kids and a business or investments together. So you stay and struggle to make it work but it eventually exhausts you and you give in, your partner can already tell and it is because of the following signs.

Feeling like you owe them to try and keep it together

The feelings are no longer there but you just stay because most probably the person is too deeply invested in you and your relationship. You see that they are clearly still in love and trying to make it work for the both of you so you do not want to end things and hurt them.

You are afraid of what will happen after you leave

Like I said nothing bad or negative has to happen for someone to just want to call it quits with you. They are not being selfish, or maybe they are but think of it this way, they more they keep it to themselves, the more they are wasting your time and energy on them. They are being selfish by avoiding the fall out.

People stay because they do not have a clear plan on what will happen after they leave. Will they lose the kids? Will they fail and look like fools after all the havoc they created in someone else’s life? What will happen after? When they cannot answer that, they just think, ‘ah, what the hell. I am almost dying anyway. I can survive a few more years of this.’ They make a non-affectionate, neutral and non-evolving relationship stay that way and deal with it. Everybody else does it anyway.

Overdoing it and overcompensating

Once someone realizes they no longer want to be with someone, they become desperate especially if they are married because they are wondering maybe if they changed tactics, the feelings will come back. Maybe if they tried harder and become more inventive, it would get better. Hence the surprises that were never even there, too much PDA or trips and plans. Doing chores they never wanted to do and basically becoming more erratic with their affection and romance; they are trying to will the feelings back.

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