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3 reasons you should never trap a man

01 September 2015, 17:25 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Maybe not now, maybe not in three months or a couple of years but it will happen and you will have to start figuring out how to get yourself out of the long-term effects.

Get pregnant if you want to. Have a baby if you want to. Have sex if that is what you actually want to do. Do whatever you want to do if that is what you actually want to do but do not do it because you are hoping that the guy will be more committed to you afterwards.

If he does not want you as his woman, sex will not change his mind

By the way, there is always going to be that guy who will not even be interested in having sex with you. Some guys just have standards and sorry to say, you might not be it. The statement should not hurt your feelings or make you feel bad about yourself, it is just simple truth. Accept it and move on-that is how you make life really simple for yourself. Not by starting to think what hair he likes, or what skin color he prefers and what size he is into. Those are the long term effects I am talking about. Your vagina will work very well for someone else, so don’t be too worried. Just accept his decision and move on.

Now there is the other kind that does not know how to pass a gift horse. These ones make up for the majority. He is the one that will invite you to his house or come over to your house to ‘chill’ and because you are friends you think, ‘why not?’ He is single and is really a nice person so you hope that that time you spend together changes his mind. It does not. Men, who want a certain women, invest. Money, time and effort. He goes out of his way to impress her. Accept to have sex with him if that is also what you want but do not expect to change his mind with it. Your tricks will not change the image he has in his mind of the woman he actually wants. You will revert back to your status afterwards.

Do not get pregnant to gain commitment

Nerea; I acknowledge the fact that that song was meant to create awareness. But what it also did is play to the fantasy of some women where a couple of men are concerned. Get pregnant and he will come to his senses and be ready to build a family.

You are in a relationship or maybe you are in a situationship so you want to upgrade it to something more. In true female fashion though, you by pass all the direct methods; asking and getting your response. You get pregnant because children are a lifelong commitment. What you forget is that they are more so for the mother than the father. You are the one with the belly and once you allow the ‘father to be’ to ‘participate’; he can disappear with no ties.

Now here you are complaining because he is not acting as you would have expected a proud father-to-be to act. He does not bother with your medical expenses, is not bothered about your delivery and technically is not bothered about anything to do with that child. Not all men are dead beats; you create them from your decisions, choices and actions. Here is the long term effect; you now have a baby that you have to figure out the rest of its life alone and with no help. You start wishing you had made a different decision because this is when that good guy comes along but he does not want to deal with your drama.

Your friend is wrong

At times a friend has good intentions but what worked for her might not work for you. You know what demon you are dancing with so ask for advice yes, but be honest with yourself to know when it is not the right one for you. Doing something that you do not normally do for him will not make him love you more. Because she tells you to do something and it worked for her does not mean it will work for you. Be careful which advice you take because you will deal with the aftermath alone. You can cry on her shoulder but that is it!

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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