3 reasons to avoid the married man
02 March 2015, 14:02
Nairobi - Even now ( After 30 years of marriage) my mother still swears that none of her daughters will marry a man with children or rather a man who was married previously.
Her husband has been previously married. He married her after he separated from the first wife. I cannot say divorced
because I doubt they were even really married.
She says as long as he is widowed, with children, it is fine
but if she is still around then steer clear of him. So from that I gathered it
is not the children that she has a problem with but the mother.
As her daughter, I feel duty bound to listen to that advice
because mother always knows best. My mother is also a gloater, if she advises
you and you overlook her words of wisdom, fail and she will be the first one to
voice her ‘I told you so’s.
To her as much as the said union is over it actually never
She always pops up
Her co-wife, decided to surprise everyone with a visit. It
was a weekend, so my mother is outside doing chores, she sees a strange lady at
the gate. I feel I should mention at this point that they had never met. The
woman walks up to the house with a child on her back and asks if that is Mr.*
residence. When my mother confirms, the co-wife sidesteps her without a hello
and proceeds to the house (Obviously showing disrespect and being rude). Apparently
the child was sick, needed to go to hospital and they also needed a place to
stay. Guess where they stayed, not at
the hotel or his side of the family but our house.
My mother does not like drama, so she did not create a scene
but she knew my father had known she was coming how else could she have found
the house? The incident never happened again, I think my mother had words with
Moral of that story; the ties are never cut especially if
the woman never moves on. She will
always look for a way to be in your business and that of the family that you
are trying to have with that man.
He has to support her
A man with a prior family has more bills to pay. It is not
just your household that he will be concerned with but also the other family
that he has with the ex. You know if it is children alone, they come live with
you and thus it is one household. But, if the ex is still around, the children
live with her and we all know that it is not the fees alone that he is paying
for. Especially if she is the one coming up with the figures. So double the financial
burden for your household.
Mothers-in law either love you or hate you and if there are
the two of you, she will not love the both of you or hate the both of you. She
will pick sides.
When you are the one that she hates, she will always make
life difficult for you because she is hoping her son will throw you over for
the other one that she liked better. It is not a squabble that lasts a year or
two or even after you give her grandchildren. It lasts until the day she dies.
My mother never had an easy time with her mother-in-law, even when she was on
her death bed she looked for ways to undermine the current wife.
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