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3 reasons sex is a must in relationships

23 March 2016, 17:31 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - A girl/ woman has a problem. She is about to be engaged but her problem is that she really does not like her man’s sex drive.  As time goes by she is hoping that they will/ she will eventually be able to manage it.

She is not yet married but she is about to create a problem in her future marriage. She also felt that after they had done their marriage counseling, they could now abstain. Obviously her fiancé is not feeling this vibe and even I was like, ‘You cannot give a child candy and tell them to un-taste the sweetness.

Sexual compatibility is overlooked by a lot of couples because when you go and talk to some people they will tell you, ‘But marriage is not about sex alone. There are other things you can enjoy.’ That is true but sex is also a major part of it. If you do not want you to be the one that your partner shares that with and you do not want them to go out there and do it; what exactly are you asking from them and expecting from them?

So, when one partner is dissatisfied, they do not speak up because they do not want to look like the dog in heat in the relationship. They do not want to look like the ones that are ‘only’ thinking about nothing else other than that. So they keep quiet until it all blows up in their face.

You cannot manage someone wants and needs

You can look for someone that is on the same level as you are but you cannot pick someone that is 100% in everything else but want them to check themselves when it comes to what you want. She admits that the guy is a 10 but she just hates the way he likes having sex with her all the time. You have a choice of letting him go and that is what she does not want. Obviously there is a man out there that will be up to her standards when it comes to that but she will also have to compromise by losing on all those other good qualities this guy has.

So she is overlooking she is also the problem in her relationship. She wants her man not to complain about his needs but he should maintain what he is doing for her and what he is to her. Do you understand what I am saying?

This will eventually change his attitude toward her and the relationship. If he is not getting what he wants in the relationship, he will get it somewhere else and he will eventually transfer his caring, nice and good guy qualities to those quarters as well.

Don’t give out the jujubeif you want to enter your marriage a saint

Women have sex with guys to get commitment; then after they get it, they want to go into counseling and abstain until marriage. If you want to wait for marriage-wait! If you are past it-that is also fine! Thing is don’t play childish games and be the one to complain because your man is not acting the way you want him to.

She now wants to take away the candy because she has gotten the commitment. That is one of the worst things you can do for a relationship or marriage that is just starting out. He will already be so bitter about the whole situation that your honey moon won’t be as amazing as you are expecting.

If you do it for the purpose of improving your sex life and actually bring that A game on that wedding night, then it will not be in vain. But if you do it and the sex is still whack from day one; you have just lost. That guy will be regretting the day he sealed the deal with you. That is how people end up asking for divorce after they come back from the honey moon.

Sex helps that emotional and physical connection that stabilizes a relationship

Accept it or don’t accept it, you will need that physical connection with someone in order for you to have a healthy emotional relationship with them. But if you two are always squabbling about when was the last time you had it, who enjoyed it the most, who does not like it or who does not want it-the relationship will eventually become strained and a turn off. People turn away from home not because you suddenly became ugly or dirty or true spicy with the mouth but because the relationship became sour. Someone leaves with a bitter awakening, someone is angry because someone turned them away and now that you want something from them you are now becoming nice. Why should they? You don’t consider them and their feelings or what they need.

Choose someone that you will be on an equal footing or balanced with when it comes to sex because it eventually leads to bigger issues.

- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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