3 reasons not to get married
25 April 2016, 19:20
Nairobi - I am at that point in my life where every time I get in my
phone someone is having a wedding, had a wedding, is having a baby or is
getting engaged. As a woman, it can make you question yourself; suddenly you
are not sure whether you are the one that should be in a hurry or they should
slow down. Trust me, I am not old either so I am just wondering why everyone is
rushing. But I heard the best time to have children is in your twenties-your
early twenties. That way, by the time you are clocking forty, you are moving
(kicking is the right term) them out of the house so that you can enjoy your
life. If you have them let’s say in your thirties, you will be attending PTA
meetings as that 50 year old parent.
Don’t get too excited either and rush off because you are
apparently in a relationship. That is how you get in trouble. Some people are
made for parenting, others aren’t. Some people are made for marriage, while
others aren’t. Some relationships should not graduate past that. Once you can
acknowledge that fact, then maybe you can move on to looking for the right
person to actually share your life with and raise your children with. It will
not be in peace but at least it will be better than most and that is what we
all angle for.
You have been dating this person for a while and like most
relationships, you just stick with that person because it works. It is better
than what you hear about so even though you are already sure they are not the
one for you, you just keep them because you do not want it to be all for nothing.
But that can be a mistake. Just because you have been in a relationship long
term with someone does not mean that you have to get something out of it. At
times, it simply does not work.
relationship has been a rough ride
I think most bad marriages start with this caption, ‘after
everything we have been through, we have finally made it. We are here!’ I wish
I could just express this in Swahili because it would sound better. Like even
you as the reader get exhausted and you are not in that relationship. Some
people mistake constant fighting, breaking up to make up all the time and
constant arguments over everything as creating a bond. That is not bonding but
an unhealthy relationship. An unhealthy relationship will lead to an unhealthy
marriage. As a person dating seriously and hoping for a good marriage you have
to understand that. If you two cannot finish even a week without being pissed
off about something; but arguing with family, about family members, someone not
doing their part in the relationship, dishonesty, constant cheating; that is
not ‘holding someone down’ or being loyal; that is enabling an unhealthy
Your values and
expectations don’t match
You want two kids, they want no kids. You want to live in
Muthaiga and have a flat in Kileleshwa they are satisfied with living at some
estate (you know the ones I am talking about)-nothing wrong with any of these
but most people think marriage will change someone. You get frustrated and
angry after a few years and you are starting to realize that they were actually
serious and they are not motivated to live the life you wanted. If the values
do not match up now, get out and look for someone that is thinking as you are.
Your partner is not
You will not be able to do everything yourself and when you
have children, you want them with someone, if something happens to you, they
will be fine. You do not want a situation where if you die, you know your
family is ‘screwed’-lack of a better word. You can imagine a situation where you
travel a lot or are away a lot but you know if you are leaving your house, you
are not sure if they have sold everything to maintain an addiction or to put
food on the table. They are the people you marry and if they do not have a
constant job, the minute they become broke they start looking for something
valuable to sell or take to those crafty people.
It will not change with marriage. You will not even go to
work in peace because now you have a grown up you have to watch. That is what
you call, married but single.
See your life with someone before you continue wasting your
time with them. Don’t think that because you have been dating for five years it
has to amount to anything-you will get in trouble. Marriage is not everyone but
everyone does not know that-even of themselves.
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