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3 reasons not to get married

25 April 2016, 19:20 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - I am at that point in my life where every time I get in my phone someone is having a wedding, had a wedding, is having a baby or is getting engaged. As a woman, it can make you question yourself; suddenly you are not sure whether you are the one that should be in a hurry or they should slow down. Trust me, I am not old either so I am just wondering why everyone is rushing. But I heard the best time to have children is in your twenties-your early twenties. That way, by the time you are clocking forty, you are moving (kicking is the right term) them out of the house so that you can enjoy your life. If you have them let’s say in your thirties, you will be attending PTA meetings as that 50 year old parent.

Don’t get too excited either and rush off because you are apparently in a relationship. That is how you get in trouble. Some people are made for parenting, others aren’t. Some people are made for marriage, while others aren’t. Some relationships should not graduate past that. Once you can acknowledge that fact, then maybe you can move on to looking for the right person to actually share your life with and raise your children with. It will not be in peace but at least it will be better than most and that is what we all angle for.

You have been dating this person for a while and like most relationships, you just stick with that person because it works. It is better than what you hear about so even though you are already sure they are not the one for you, you just keep them because you do not want it to be all for nothing. But that can be a mistake. Just because you have been in a relationship long term with someone does not mean that you have to get something out of it. At times, it simply does not work.

The whole relationship has been a rough ride

I think most bad marriages start with this caption, ‘after everything we have been through, we have finally made it. We are here!’ I wish I could just express this in Swahili because it would sound better. Like even you as the reader get exhausted and you are not in that relationship. Some people mistake constant fighting, breaking up to make up all the time and constant arguments over everything as creating a bond. That is not bonding but an unhealthy relationship. An unhealthy relationship will lead to an unhealthy marriage. As a person dating seriously and hoping for a good marriage you have to understand that. If you two cannot finish even a week without being pissed off about something; but arguing with family, about family members, someone not doing their part in the relationship, dishonesty, constant cheating; that is not ‘holding someone down’ or being loyal; that is enabling an unhealthy situation.

Your values and expectations don’t match

You want two kids, they want no kids. You want to live in Muthaiga and have a flat in Kileleshwa they are satisfied with living at some estate (you know the ones I am talking about)-nothing wrong with any of these but most people think marriage will change someone. You get frustrated and angry after a few years and you are starting to realize that they were actually serious and they are not motivated to live the life you wanted. If the values do not match up now, get out and look for someone that is thinking as you are.

Your partner is not dependable

You will not be able to do everything yourself and when you have children, you want them with someone, if something happens to you, they will be fine. You do not want a situation where if you die, you know your family is ‘screwed’-lack of a better word. You can imagine a situation where you travel a lot or are away a lot but you know if you are leaving your house, you are not sure if they have sold everything to maintain an addiction or to put food on the table. They are the people you marry and if they do not have a constant job, the minute they become broke they start looking for something valuable to sell or take to those crafty people.

It will not change with marriage. You will not even go to work in peace because now you have a grown up you have to watch. That is what you call, married but single.

See your life with someone before you continue wasting your time with them. Don’t think that because you have been dating for five years it has to amount to anything-you will get in trouble. Marriage is not everyone but everyone does not know that-even of themselves.

- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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