3 reasons marriages collapse
17 March 2016, 18:41
Nairobi - Marriages collapse for a number of reasons. Here are a few.
That is a set up because the first signs of any sort of
trouble, you will easily give up. If you cannot stand the person that they are
now, then you had better leave them be. Marriage does not change people, maybe
improve their dispositions but not change them. If it does change someone for
the better, that is usually a lucky strike. But you go into marriage with a
clear head. Have clear goals and something practical. What you want to do and
achieve in a year-upgrading neighborhoods, or changing jobs or starting a
family business. But you do not go in telling yourself that the mother will
like you more soon after you give her the first grandchild. Or you hope that he
will top consulting her because he now has a wife. You will face trouble, if
you cannot handle it, you were not ready. Marriage will not miraculously change
someone’s income and enable them to finance the life you envy.
Using other people’s
marriage or relationship as a benchmark for your marriage
You want to do this like they do. You want to be like them.
You want everything they have to work out for you as well. Just like there is
no other person like you who can do what you do, there can never be any two
people or any situation that you can copy that well and live it. You are either
in a relationship with that person that you choose or you are in it with the
people you want to emulate. So which is it? Then after the choice that you have
made, go marry that choice. You make a life with one person; you do not force
them to live a life with other people or through other people’s choices.
In fact if someone came to me and told me they had such a
spouse I would tell them to look for someone else who would appreciate having
them because there is just no way you will ever please this person. They will
keep looking for other people who are better and better.
You don’t realize
what marriage really is about
Aside from the fact that a lot of marriages do not work
these days is because of marrying for the wrong reasons; by extension we should
also include that today’s generation does not really understand how marriage
really works or what it is about. That is why people are happy to get
biological donors for their offspring and go their own way. That is why it is
okay for people to get divorced if they ‘do not get a long’.
People just don’t understand what marriage is about and what
it is for. ‘Why should I have a wife when I have all these women offering to
have my children with no strings attached? I can have both; no nagging wife and
freedom whilst having the child to continue my name. I am fine!’
‘Why should I have a husband and entertain his nonsense.
When I can ‘do me’ and not mind that nonsense.’
When you listen to such people talk, they have the wrong
expectations from marriage and they will not be fulfilled no matter what you
do. Their mindset is what is wrong-beware lest you be the better half because
you will have a lot to contend with.
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