3 people to NEVER introduce to your man
18 January 2016, 13:06
Nairobi - The Luhya community is always the butt of a lot of jokes on social media. I am not even offended most of the time because most of the time
they are actually true and they make us laugh because we resonate with them so
well. Yes, I like to eat. Yes, I love, love, love * infinity chicken; I would
die for chicken. And yes, I do have that cousin who owns an orange jacket and
would match it perfectly with a luminous green pair of pants. I would also have
to show him/ her how to properly wear a seatbelt. But enough of that; what you
guys do not know are some of our customs and taboos.
I will talk about the one in relation with this topic. While
on Social media off late I see a lot of complaints being advertised to all and
sundry by people on how they caught so and so in a situation they should never
have been caught in with so and so. I caught my girlfriend with my father, or I
caught my mother-in –law blah blah blah; but see who do we blame because at the
end of the day our traditions are no longer passed on. Some of our parents
don’t even know most of them. I will also admit that I do not know most of my
I will tell you about the one I have observed though every
time my grandmother comes to visit. In my Luhya tribe, the mother-in-law and
her son-in-law can never cross paths. Ever! My mother’s mother and my father
should never look at each other in the eye, literally. She also has to have her
own seat which comes from one of our rooms, where our father has never sat and
it is placed in such a way, it is looking away from him -you know what I mean
(like she is in this corner and he is in another corner)! Where she sleeps, he
can never come across it and if she is visiting a place where you live like in
smaller quarters, you have to look for her sleeping arrangements outside; just
somewhere where her and my father will never cross paths. So you can imagine
when we were watching Naija with our
mum and we all look shocked when they are hugging and giving pecks on the
It was so confounding while we were children because we
could have easily shared rooms to make the poor old woman comfortable but it
would not have mattered. She can’t go near the bedrooms because the Master is
there and heaven forbid they come across each other in the corridor.
This custom might seem very benign and shallow and ignorant
and all those other adjectives you can think off but it was basically a
mother-in-law showing respect to her son-in-law and the son-in-law doing the
same. After learning this custom we just cannot wear a mini-skirt in front of
our father for all of us or wear flimsy pajamas. If you are cooking and he
comes suddenly, you go get a leso or hide behind a cupboard and go get one
as soon as he is out of sight. Respect!
These days we don’t respect each other’s relationships and
marriages. When you see someone else’s grass is greener than yours, you decide
to go plant yourself there rather than water your own lawn. That is apparently
how we do! Just go take someone else’s grass; save yourself the trouble. Have
fun with it or commit to it.
To that effect, when you cannot beat them, join them. You
have yours; it is going fine, so you need to think as they are. You cannot
safely say everyone is looking for the best interest of your relationship.
There are a lot of snakes crawling in the grass. You need to watch out for them
before they bite your heel.
Read also: 4 dangers of stealing someone else's man
Your friends and
Women are very interesting creatures. I can say so because I
am one of them.’ Darling, please, here is my friend’s number in case you cannot
reach me, call her.’ Then while you are with your girlfriends having a chit
chat, ‘You want to say hi to him? Here is the phone, say hi!’ Yeah, dumbass;
keep passing your man’s number to that one friend and then you look shocked
when you find out they have been having something behind your back. It is great
for your friends to meet your man, but establish boundaries. That hugging,
pecks on the cheek and ‘ki ki ki’ is what helps a friend fall pregnant by
accident by your man. They can get together and arrange a birthday, but that is
a once in a year thing and if anything once in a while; he gets the drift
afterwards. If it is an engagement, well what do you know; you can only get
engaged once to one man. They do not need to be talking on the phone all the
time and discussing what could be the reason you are mad. He should be able to
come talk to you about it.
Your sister, relatives
and extended family
Sisters are amazing but there is just something about
sibling rivalry when you think it is dead, it is not! Let me tell you my own
incident. We are three, I am the first, and then there is the second, the
middle born; follows me closely behind. There is this time I was single and
having fun with this dating thing. I invite one of these male friends to a
family hang out with my other sisters. He was not my man yet but it seems my
sister figured, ‘since you are not there yet, I might as well get ahead.’ She
goes after him and the man flirts along trying to twist my arm so that I can
apparently fight for him and finally decide to be his girlfriend. You know that
game men play, introduce competition so that the women pull each other’s hair
out, but I lost respect for him instead because no good man will ever put you
and your sister in such a position. I was like you can have each other then;
but then they all back out because I am no longer interested.
It seems my sister figured since I have very good judgment
when it comes to men, she should go after this one before anything serious
happens and on that day I learnt a lesson. I will use the mother-in-law custom
in my house when I am married and my sister is around. She is someone I need to
watch out for because it seems she has figured; in order for her to have the
best, it will have to be my best. It is not insecurity but me knowing how to
properly water my grass.
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