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3 dangers to your marriage

01 October 2015, 19:01 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Is your marriage in danger? Here are signs that it probably is.

Associating gender roles with who is the head of the family

The problem with why a lot of marriages and families do not work out but break down is because there is a lot of confusion. Equality was fought for but the people who were given that equality do not know what to do with it. Roles are constantly being reversed because one minute someone is the breadwinner and the next day their spouse gets the crown by being the better earning one. The question does not become how you can help your spouse but why you should help them like they are not your family but colleague. Then there is the power struggle and one spouse is telling the children that they should not respect this parent since they are not doing this or that for them. So it is not even about you two anymore but your bringing your own children into it. At meal times you stand there wondering who to serve first because mum is paying all the bills and is tired but isn’t dad the head of the family?

If you have not succeeded in anything yet, you are hoping to get it from marriage

If you are not happy right now with yourself or where you are then try looking for what will give you that before you get married. If you do not and betting all your cards on marriage then you are already setting it up for failure and hoping that your partner resolves this for you. They will not bring you that happiness if you cannot find it for yourself including your children. They are a joy, but they move out and then you are left there side-eyeing their father or mother asking them what they have ever done for you.

Forgetting your partner after the children come in

It is never done intentionally, but after giving birth, every mother is given room for a host of reasons; to heal, postpartum depression and to take care of the baby. Then you take of the baby fro six months, one year and before you know it, it is year two you are having another one but you and your partner have drifted apart. Children take over, if you are a parent, you do already know that but do not forget the person you had them with. It creates a hole that needs to be filled and when you forget to fill it, it eventually gets filled by something or someone else.

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