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3 common mistakes that kill relationships

29 September 2015, 18:58 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - One person cannot be the one dictating to the other what they can or cannot do.

They cannot outline a set of rules the other person should live by but not follow the rules themselves.

You cannot sit your partner down and tell them, this is what you need to do and if you do not then this or that is not going to happen. That is foul. Your partner is not your dog.

You end up creating an environment where they end up resenting you. If that is what you what then by all means, let us not interrupt your relationship.

On the other hand if you actually want your relationship to work then you might just have to curb a habit that you were never even aware of. A relationship is 50-50. You cannot have a one-sided relationship and actually expect it to work because it never does and let me tell you why.

You come off as a hypocrite.

You would like to think that you are all things positive but you also have your issues. Everyone does, you are just vain enough to ignore yours and that is why you may end up having a partner who ends up resenting you; not instantly but gradually!

You cannot tell your partner how they should use their money but yours is off-limits.

They can ask you what you need but you cannot be the one to bring up the topic if they cannot help you with your money as well. It does not matter if you are better with money, are better with managing businesses and have a bigger or better career. It is a give or take. Even if it is not your money, your partner has to feel like you are also willing to take their advice on something you are not good at.

Criticizing your partner’s parenting skills.

We all grew up with a good cop, bad cop household. One parent was super strict and the other one was the one we went to hide behind. That is a good thing. Do not take that away from your partner and from your children. Obviously the bad cop ends up feeling bad because the kids end up siding with the good cop in an argument but as they grow up they will come to appreciate your role. But do not tell your partner they are a bad parent because they are not following your guidelines on what you think is right. Do not undermine them in front of other people saying that they are lacking. Resentment from them builds up.

Setting out the rules on how your relationship should work.

It is all things about you. What you like, what you want, where you would like to go, where you should live, and so on and forth. You are making the relationship is an ‘I’ ideal and not ‘we’. Nothing happy can come from that and if you ever end up committed to each other; bitterness and regret usually follows.

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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