3 bad reasons people get married
16 February 2016, 18:51
Nairobi - A man is complaining. Apparently the wife he fell in love
with and eventually decided to marry is no longer what he wants right now or
for ever after. She was really good –looking and that really turned him on, she
just had to cross his path before he got a hard on and he decided, this is what
I want for the rest of my life. This very good looking woman whom I do not even
have to struggle to really love (I think he confused lust for love) thus he
tied the knot with her.
But then childbirth happened and it seems the woman was just
sort of satisfied; you know we Africans are just really getting into the
fitness and really looking good thing right now.
Before, no one really cared; it was the rule that after
child birth, you don’t tell a woman she needs to be a size zero and lose
weight. Or tell her anything about getting fit, you just let her be. So for
this man’s lady, that is her case and for her she has decided that trying does
not even get into the equation but she uses up every opportunity to eat and
gain more weight. So for him it has become a turn off; she has become a turn
off for him and he no longer wants her.
He is in his prime and not knocking even forty yet so he is getting
desperate because life is yawning before him whereby he can’t be intimate with
his wife and he does not want to live like that. It is not like he is about to
die, otherwise it would not be so much of a bother. He has tried anything and
everything to go on the fit life with her but it seems she just likes eating.
I felt so bothered on his behalf and wondered how their
situation could be sorted because a desperate man is sort of a dangerous being.
Until I realized that this man was equating lust with love. Generally, there
was no true feeling of affection beyond affection for her curves and body that
have now gone. Nor saying how he misses laughing with her or going for works,
just anything to show he had other thoughts where she was concerned beside
bedroom activities. Now he is crying wolf.
Let me tell you something, no matter how good the situation
is currently, always have the idea that things could turn for worse, any given
time, any given day. So when you want to marry and settle with someone; look at
them and ask yourself, if they were to be disabled tomorrow, would you give up
and walk out or be ready to take care of them? That is the simplest medicine I
have for marital bliss whenever I think about it and someone that I may be
having in mind.
This man no longer wants his wife because the one thing that
attracted him to her is no longer there but that is just one of many cases. He
is now looking for someone else because she is beyond redemption.
Consider you want to
marry someone for the financial security they can provide
If that is all there is to it, then you already know, money
comes and goes at the snap of a finger. So basically, if they were to lose
everything tomorrow, you would no longer want to be with them. You would start
searching for another person to provide that security. That is how a lot of people end up
c-parenting with more than one person in their lifetime. This one was the
first, they could not provide so you walked out. Then you had another
relationship and because it was serious, you decided to have a child with them
as they looked responsible until they also failed.
because of where they can get you and who they know
Societal standing would be a disastrous mistake for marrying
someone because you already know people are very fickle. One minuet they are in
and the next they are out. You are not sure where your partner is going to be
the next year. If the idea of them being lesser than what they are at the
moment then you should reconsider; they will eventually turn you off because
what you want is their power and not them.
Marrying for looks
Who is not vain? Whoever raises their hands-such liars; everyone
likes having something pretty or good-looking to compliment them or boast
about. No one goes out looking and saying, ‘wow, I really like that ugly,
unkempt man or woman!’ We all hope that the fairest of them will see something
in us and overlook our ugly and decide to be with us.
After that what else is there? You have to have something
more with that person that makes you tick and want to spend every moment with
them. They have to inspire something inside you beside your lust. They have to
be able to make you look forward to having a life with them and raising
children with them. No one will look 20 forever-okay, black does not crack
especially if it jogs and does not eat fried food but you will still not look
the same. Just have my disability theory at the back of your mind whenever you
are having lustful thoughts when considering marriage. They always help.
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