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3 bad reasons people get married

16 February 2016, 18:51 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - A man is complaining. Apparently the wife he fell in love with and eventually decided to marry is no longer what he wants right now or for ever after. She was really good –looking and that really turned him on, she just had to cross his path before he got a hard on and he decided, this is what I want for the rest of my life. This very good looking woman whom I do not even have to struggle to really love (I think he confused lust for love) thus he tied the knot with her.

But then childbirth happened and it seems the woman was just sort of satisfied; you know we Africans are just really getting into the fitness and really looking good thing right now.

Before, no one really cared; it was the rule that after child birth, you don’t tell a woman she needs to be a size zero and lose weight. Or tell her anything about getting fit, you just let her be. So for this man’s lady, that is her case and for her she has decided that trying does not even get into the equation but she uses up every opportunity to eat and gain more weight. So for him it has become a turn off; she has become a turn off for him and he no longer wants her.  He is in his prime and not knocking even forty yet so he is getting desperate because life is yawning before him whereby he can’t be intimate with his wife and he does not want to live like that. It is not like he is about to die, otherwise it would not be so much of a bother. He has tried anything and everything to go on the fit life with her but it seems she just likes eating.

I felt so bothered on his behalf and wondered how their situation could be sorted because a desperate man is sort of a dangerous being. Until I realized that this man was equating lust with love. Generally, there was no true feeling of affection beyond affection for her curves and body that have now gone. Nor saying how he misses laughing with her or going for works, just anything to show he had other thoughts where she was concerned beside bedroom activities. Now he is crying wolf.

Let me tell you something, no matter how good the situation is currently, always have the idea that things could turn for worse, any given time, any given day. So when you want to marry and settle with someone; look at them and ask yourself, if they were to be disabled tomorrow, would you give up and walk out or be ready to take care of them? That is the simplest medicine I have for marital bliss whenever I think about it and someone that I may be having in mind. 

This man no longer wants his wife because the one thing that attracted him to her is no longer there but that is just one of many cases. He is now looking for someone else because she is beyond redemption.

Consider you want to marry someone for the financial security they can provide

If that is all there is to it, then you already know, money comes and goes at the snap of a finger. So basically, if they were to lose everything tomorrow, you would no longer want to be with them. You would start searching for another person to provide that security.  That is how a lot of people end up c-parenting with more than one person in their lifetime. This one was the first, they could not provide so you walked out. Then you had another relationship and because it was serious, you decided to have a child with them as they looked responsible until they also failed.

Marrying someone because of where they can get you and who they know

Societal standing would be a disastrous mistake for marrying someone because you already know people are very fickle. One minuet they are in and the next they are out. You are not sure where your partner is going to be the next year. If the idea of them being lesser than what they are at the moment then you should reconsider; they will eventually turn you off because what you want is their power and not them.

Marrying for looks

Who is not vain? Whoever raises their hands-such liars; everyone likes having something pretty or good-looking to compliment them or boast about. No one goes out looking and saying, ‘wow, I really like that ugly, unkempt man or woman!’ We all hope that the fairest of them will see something in us and overlook our ugly and decide to be with us.


After that what else is there? You have to have something more with that person that makes you tick and want to spend every moment with them. They have to inspire something inside you beside your lust. They have to be able to make you look forward to having a life with them and raising children with them. No one will look 20 forever-okay, black does not crack especially if it jogs and does not eat fried food but you will still not look the same. Just have my disability theory at the back of your mind whenever you are having lustful thoughts when considering marriage. They always help.

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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