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3 MUSTS in a healthy relationship

01 September 2015, 15:23 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - A certain adage comes to mind when I think of this topic. What a man can do a woman can also do. Right? Wrong! Look at it this way. If a man goes and has sex with 100 women, his penis will remain the same. Discounting STDs of course! On the other hand, if a woman goes out and does the same, with a 100 men; we all know her vagina will not look the same. Hurts, but it is the truth.

Which leads me to, a man can be with three women at the same time, all of them messing with him but because he was barely investing anything with any of them, he can easily move on. A woman on the other hand, will have this one man, invest herself wholeheartedly in him and when it all crashes down on her, she crashes too. Just because she allows it, we tend to take things a bit too far when it comes to out nurturing and caring. To save yourself all that drama, I just have one advice: have a man invest in you with his total commitment, actions and not words, house keys then, you invest your nurturing and caring on him.

There is being independent then there is being used

You can have your own car, your own money, your own house, basically your own everything but they are a contingency plan. The phrase my money is my money and your money is our money exists for a reason; because men were meant to be providers to their women and children. You should learn not to be an enabler. The guy gets locked out of his house for not paying rent, he works, never takes you out so where does him money go to? You let him move in with you but he still does not chip in. That is being an enabler not caring and nurturing.

There is space, and then there is SPACE

Space is when someone comes home at the end of the day and you see they are tired so you give them time to cool off and relax before you bombard them with your issues.

SPACE is when you let that man sell you all kinds of shit under the sun. You cannot visit him at his house-ever. You should keep this “relationship” a secret- don’t tell anyone even your mother. His money is always in a bind so he has never been able to afford to take you out. You cannot question him on anything; you get the drift. Between these two types of space, you will see how you got yourself in that bind.

He and his girlfriend have been going through something, and he is trying to get away from it

A man does not have to be married to make a fool out of you. Men need shoulders to cry on to. Do it if you are just a friend and not hoping for more. But if deep down you know you want him, let him know, get a response and move on from there. People break up if they want to break up, they do not need time to think on it or how to break it to the other person. If they do, they are working on their relationship and not planning a break up.

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