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2 reasons I don't date Kenyan men

11 January 2016, 15:32 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Since we like talking about wife-material I decided to be the one to do a solid for the women and talk about husband material.

See, I have never thought there is a shortage of men. Men are aplenty especially here in Kenya it is just a matter of the options that present themselves that can make you think if you really have to move countries. Because just the way a man likes to think he is going to make the best choice when it comes to the woman he marries, why should a woman be frowned upon for also wanting to make the best choice for her. So when a woman is busy making demands for the man who will hold the title as her man or future husband, she becomes a diva, too entitled or some other tag a man will come up with. No, she is not being a diva but that is what is called self-loving.

Manners are really important

I have heard these days that women just want to get their hands on fat wallets; the rest is optional. Let me correct you; gentlemen always win because they know how to treat a woman. If you are not that, then am sorry to burst your bubble but you are not as high up there where your women are concerned as you might think you are.

As usual, I have a story to tell you about a certain Kenyan ‘gentleman’ that I was going on an apparent date with. Notice I have said apparent and it is because of a very good reason.  The guy picks me up and he tells me, ‘I have been at my friend’s place and he gave me this package that I need to drop home before we head out.’ So I am like cool, because it was no skin off my nose to be a couple of hours late. Notice I did not have a diva moment or any dramatic. We get to his place and the package was drinks. He says let’s rest a bit then we head out. Ask me if we ever left the house. He took his beer, his friends later joined us. Now ask me if we went on any date. The man had a ruse the whole time and there was no place he had been planning on going. Such trickery is the reason someone got blocked. You try such stunts when in a relationship not on the first day because that is just speaking to me in volumes.  Boyfriend material or husband material; sorry I will pass because you are already showing the kind of cunning you will use to perpetuate lies in a relationship with you or heaven forbid-marriage! This one is the type that will marry a second wife and call her a long distance cousin you never met.

When a Kenyan man tells you how Kenyan women are demanding

Let me break it down as to what he actually means. I think Kenyan men are allergic to dating. He wants to call and tell you come to the house. You already know what that means. When you say you want to meet for coffee or dinner that is demanding and showing your greedy ways. Asking to be treated like a lady in Kenya is you being a diva and you wonder why there is a shortage of them. When taking me out on a date is such a high demand why should I expect better treatment from you as my husband or boyfriend? So sorry, I will pass on having you as either.

The Kenyan boyfriend wants to take you to his local to eat nyama choma but now find something to argue about it when you are married. He now does not want to take the wife anywhere because she has become fat from all the Nyama choma they eat together. Married women do not stay in bars, true but who took her there because it was cheaper. His friends are talking. Your friends take their wives other places that is why you have never seen them at the bar with him. Take your wife on a proper date; she will not have to be at the bar with you. Take her out for coffee; she will not be nasty when you go out in the evening. It is a two way street. You receive what you hand out. A man who does not treat you nicely in the beginning will not change as a husband, so yes, I will again pass all your offers.

When he says you like acting like a princess it is because he has already planned a schedule on how your salary will be split to pay bills and you are refusing. Yes, we know we split bills but it is up to the women to offer not you already budgeting her money for her. Don’t plan a women’s money for her that is very offensive by the way. Let me come and say I will buy food, or I will pay for water and electricity. Don’t tell me I will pay school fees you handle everything else and we do not even have children yet. Ladies, if a man ever breaks down your salary for you, listen to me, run the other direction. That is a man that is going to slack off when you are already committed and you will find yourself handling everything because his part is never enough. Compromise is when you go to him and say, I will do this because I am seeing you are doing that. Compensating is when he says; you pay the bill today because I pay all the time or ‘Kwani you can’t do this one thing this one time.’ That is a red alert, listen to it and pay attention because it is not going to get any better in marriage but worse because you were trying to show your ‘good’ wife material skills. Let Kenyan men learn to be men and we will stop having boys to deal with.

I am giving you 110% as your woman so don’t expect me to be happy with the 20% you feel like giving me today. What will you feel like giving me tomorrow, 10%; when you look at these numbers you understand why I do not think you are such good husband or boyfriend material. I will pass again. The Kenyan man expects your everything, even if it drains you but just look at how he treats you in return. No, but no thanks.  So as a lady, don’t be too worried is you still are hitting roadblocks when you want better. It is just a matter of you teaching a man how to be your man. The one that does not get turned off or away is the choice you should make. So stop saving that number that is going to bring you future stress and headache.

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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