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Why the silent treatment is bad for your relationship

04 May 2016, 14:33 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - I know an old couple; not old in their 80s but old in their 40s. It is 2016 and the last time the wife talked to her husband was in 2014.

The catch is that they live in the same house. They even have breakfast and supper on the same table but no conversation. If the man even tries to talk to her, she will not reply. She will just look at him with detest and not reply.

You see this thing was her way of getting her way ever since they were married. If he made her angry, she would stay mum for a week, he would buy her a present or pay fees for once then the talking was back on. If he went and got arrested, she would bail him out, silent treatment for a month, and then after he did something like shop for her mom, they were back at it again. This time though, the epic happened.

The man was formerly in a relationship when he met her. The said wife, moved back to her home so he was a ‘free’ agent-sort of; because he did not let her know.  This wife after many years of not making an appearance has moved back to his village home and the man is letting her stay; basically not doing anything about it.

So again-silent treatment!

It started as a one month thing with the elders being brought in to tell the wife, they can’t chase the woman away. She has kids for him. The man on the other hand assumed this is just their normal thing so he has been waiting and so, here we are two years later and the woman detests the man. She is still not talking to him other than ask him to leave her house. I do not know how this will play out.

What have you gotten from this whole story? Sex does not keep a relationship. Love and like does not keep a relationship. Not only one thing keeps it, but an involvement of things. This here is a good example of why proper foundation in the early beginnings of a marriage will determine whether the marriage is miserable or a success. Every marriage needs the right type of communication for it to actually work. If you have a problem, say it. If you like something, say it and appreciate it. If you are angry, let that person know why. It started as a small thing and now it is full blown. How do you live with someone and not talk to them? That is how.

As a young wife, do not pull some small stunts and think that you are winning; you might end up with something like the lady I have mentioned. Results are short term but how about long term?

Don’t sweep things under the rag because it sounds like this man learned to stay with this lady because she was ‘easy’. Do you know how to be ‘easy’ as a wife? That is how-from getting arrested in his little peccadillos, not paying fees and just ‘chilling’ as she does everything. He stayed with this wife because he knew, no matter what he did, she would never do anything. Just stay silent for a month and when he gets her a ‘petty’ gift he is back to grace land.

Sweeping things under the rag allows for room for you to be exploited. Not speaking your mind in your marriage will lead to you having a very miserable old age. You are now stuck with this person because he learnt that you take care of him and not the other way around. You cannot even chase him out of you house. You cannot continue living your life because now after the kids are gone, your other kid is around.

Makes sure you have the right foundation. Create the right system for your marriage to work. Don’t use shortcuts and be surprised when they later come in to surprise you.  You ignore a problem, trust me, it later pops up. Like the former wife, she was ignored because she just was not there. Then she came later like, ‘Surprise! Did you all miss me?’

That is what sweeping problems under the rag costs you. Bet you, when this man dies, there is going to be a lot of drama.

- MyNews24


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