What Tiwa Savage’s public breakdown is teaching me and you should learn too
03 May 2016, 18:05
Nairobi - Having a public divorce is never what
anyone let alone any woman wants for themselves. Tiwa Savage was one of those
people I used to see have a career, family and marriage and I think I felt
pretty great for her.
I do not know her personally but it was always good just
to know at least she had that going for her as well. Until this past weekend
when we all found out it was crumbling and I have to admit for a minute I was
disappointed; not in her by the way but in the fact that she no longer had
that. People who are not married have no idea of how much work, selflessness,
giving, compromising and giving up goes into marriage. All that work and it all
eventually bit the dust and it seems in her case; for the wrong person!
Her marriage had not been doing as well as
we all assumed; she is not the first neither will she be the last. The only
difference is that hers ended up in the limelight. People put up with so much behind the scenes just
to save face for themselves and it does get pretty tiring eventually.
That is why I will always advise any woman
dating or in a relationship-do not rush into marriage. Unlike dating, marriage
is commitment and you eventually learn that you cannot just drop it off as you
would have any boyfriend. You will think; if it does not work, I will just get
a divorce. But wait until you are in that situation. You quickly realize that
it is not that simple to just give up at the slightest thing. Some of your selfishness
goes and now you are no longer doing it just for you but for all those people
involved -most importantly; your children.
You do not want to have given so much and
more for the wrong person. A lot of women rush into it because they are
thinking, ‘I am getting old.’ ‘I need a life and the only way to get it is
through marriage.’ ‘I want children and I want them in wedlock.’
All true but do not do it with the wrong
person because you will regret it. You do not want to sacrifice for someone
that is not worth it. You overlook all those little signs that tell you that
this man might not be what you want. You think that they will stop once you are
married because they will now be mature and have children to think of. Doesn’t
work quite like that. You put up with it because they are what is available at
Marriage to the wrong person will destroy
your life. You want someone that will work with you. You want someone that is
ready. Some people are not ready; they think they are and you want them to be
but they are not.
Check for those habits, check for those
inconsistencies and I will say, move in together. I have never been against
moving in together because it personally taught me and the former person in my
life that we no longer were meant to be together.
Some of you do not even know the person you
are dating or in a relationship with. You think you know, but you do not. You
cannot be 100% sure but for all that is important in your life; make every
effort imaginable to make sure that you do. This way, after the honeymoon
period, you do not get a reality check and start asking yourself whether you
did the right thing.
After this reality check that is when it
starts to hit you, you cannot call everything off. You are now working to cover
up and put up a face. You do not want to be that person that when asked, ‘Are
you happy?’ You have to lie and have a fake smile. It does happen and that is
what our dear Tiwa might have been going through. I am not saying it is but you
get the point.
Be smart about your life decisions and you
will not regret it. You might be getting old. Yes, I am too but you will not
see me sacrificing myself for marriage to the wrong man. Someone might be
everything, have it all but if he is not that for you, he is not for you. Let them
find what they need with someone else.