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Tinder decoder: Does he want to date you or just sleep with you?

23 December 2015, 12:08 Sarah Williams

Okay, let’s face it, the majority of Tinder users are on the app for one reason and one reason alone – to get laid! There, I said it. Let's put a huge-ass spotlight on the elephant in the room.

But here’s the real question – is simply wanting to get laid such a bad thing?

I for one believe that if casual, creative, no-strings-attached sex is what you want you should pursue it without giving a damn about what anyone else has to say.

However, it becomes a problem when two people want two entirely different things from Tinder and aren’t completely honest with each other about it.

So how do you tell if a guy on Tinder wants to actually date you or just sleep with you?

He tries to make the conversation sexual at every given opportunity

Don’t get me wrong, I love a guy who can add a bit of sexual tension to a conversation, but if a guy tries to steer your Tinder conversation in a overtly sexual direction at every given opportunity, the chances are that the only thing about you that he’s interested in getting to know are your lady bits.

What’s more, guys who are obsessed with sex and can’t seem to stop talking about it are usually the ones who aren’t having much of it and are desperate for some. Really not the type that you want to be wasting your Tinder minutes on.

He gives you generic compliments

Over the years I’ve found that there are two types of guys that give generic compliments:

1.    Guys who have really poor (or no) game
2.    Guys who are only interested in sex

So the next time you hear from a guy on Tinder that you have the “prettiest smile that he’s ever seen” or that you have “the most beautiful hair ever” you might want to hold onto your horses. (Unless your hair or your smile really is your selling point.)

A guy who’s really interested in you and is potentially interested in dating you will notice things that most other men do not, and won’t waste your time with generic, cookie-cutter compliments.

He wants to meet without first getting to know you

So here’s the deal; guys who are on Tinder solely for hookups won’t take the time to try to get to know you. They’re not interested in where you went to school or what your hopes and dreams are.

So if a guy tries to talk you into meeting up just a few lines into your Tinder conversation, the chances are that he’s hoping that you’d be agreeable to a casual hookup.

On the other hand, if a guy takes the time and makes the effort to find out more about you before trying to meet you, the chances are that he’s genuinely interested in you in a deeper more romantic way. Of course, this could just be a way to get you into bed, but let's not be too cynical here.

He only messages you late at night

Let’s be honest, no one messages a stranger after 10 in the night just for good conversation.

In fact, most of my guy friends who have a lot of success with casual hookups on Tinder admit that they usually blast message all their matches after midnight on Fridays and Saturdays hoping that at least one of them will be bored, lonely or horny, or all three.

So if a guy only seems to message you at ungodly hours this is usually a sign that he’s only really interested in something purely physical. On the other hand, if he messages you at random times during the day, the chances are that you’ve been on his mind and he’s interested in pursuing something more serious with you. 

He keeps asking you for nudes/sexy pics

Another easy way to spot men who are on Tinder solely for casual hookups is when they keep pestering you for nudes or sexy pics.

You see, in a messed up and strange way, a lot of guys who are only interested in sleeping with a girl will actually sometimes settle for a nude picture from her, because after a point the pursuit becomes a matter of feeding their ego and not even about getting the girl.  

So, men on Tinder who start pestering you for nudes or raunchy pictures within just a few days of talking are definitely red flags to watch out for.

He takes rejection badly

Another great way to spot men who are only interested in you for sex is by gauging how well they take rejection.

You see, the majority of men who are only interested in sleeping with you won’t take kindly to being rejected, even if you have a really good reason for it. They will often switch from being sweet and interested to being cold and distant the minute you reject their advances.  

For example, I once met a guy on Tinder who I really liked but had to rain-check on a couple of dates because of important work commitments. I was really into this guy and probably would have slept with him, if not for the fact that he suddenly turned unnecessarily mean and cold towards me right after I told him I couldn’t meet him that week because of work.

So if you ever notice a guy change his tone and vibe towards you after any sort of resistance from your end, be aware. On the other hand if a guy takes your rejection in his stride and doesn’t change the way he interacts with you, the chances are that he’s interested in you for something much more than sex.  

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- Woman24


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