The problem with dating your friend’s ex
03 May 2016, 12:24
There was a debate about exes and one woman made a point. I am not sure if it was valid or not but you will tell me.
She is married and her best friend married her ex. So she asked, ‘Why should she be the one to stand in the way of anyone’s happiness.’
Obviously I say she made a point because at the end of the day, things are over between the two of you. That is a closed chapter. Right?
I have always had a rule about my friend’s men and their relationships-Do. Not. Get. Involved. If she comes to me for advice, I will give her my honest truth (must be why I do not have many friends around me.) But as long as you ask me a question, I will give you an answer to the best of my capability. If you broke up with the said man and he came to me for a relationship, this has happened; I will not accept him because that is just code.
It is just the woman code-you do not go after your friend’s man. What say, if you friend and her husband got a divorce. You will still think it is okay for you to mess with her husband? It is the same thing; and say, ‘No one can stand in the way of my happiness.’
Yes, he looks nice or you think he was meant for you but at the end of the day. Of all the men in the world, you want to tell me, you could not find someone else and let your friend close that relationship in peace? Because if she really likes you, she will tell you she is okay with it and still keep you around but she will be hurting every time she sees you with her man. The worst part is when he treats you better., You will never be sure if it is him showing her or he is doing it out of good because even for him, out of all the women in the world, he targeted you his former woman’ friend?
Such relationships never last or rarely work because there will always be that question mark from each of you. It is a triangle but not a triangle.
Your friend will now question whether all this time you were around her, being single, you were just waiting for her to mess it up with her ex. So that you can swoop in and take the position.
Why is her man asking you to be his women? A former friend’s man came to me. She had just broke up with him in aims for greener pastures. The man spent time with her ex; the all ‘hang out ‘in the same group. When I saw the friend about to slip up and cheat with someone in the same group as her boyfriend, I told her she had to break it off. You can just not play two men in the same group although the other one was a scumbag because he knew she had a man. You normally end up looking stupid when the men find out.
She broke it off and her ex came to me asking if we could date. I said no. You know why? First I will admit, because of vanity. I have to say I always look at a man my friend formerly had as left overs. Sorry! Harsh but true.
Second, I refused because I knew this man was hurting and he wanted to see if he could get back at her. I am not sure but that is just how my train went. So I made up an excuse and talked about how it is not ethical (yes, don’t laugh). I just never play those pawn games. When you know you are a queen, you play your position.
I let him go and I never had to tell my friend about it.
Up here is a classic example of that man probably wanting to use you no matter who asked whom first. That was just going to be a quick rebound for him and I knew it was because we were all friends. So for me it is like to many cooks in one broth; like that equipment was in this equipment and now you are dipping in their too-if you are an adult you understand what I am saying.
Do not date your friend’s former man. Men rarely do this thing. I do not know but the women who have done it, it never works out for most because you now understand your friend’s issues. You are now part of them and you cannot get advice from those quarters since you played yourself.
Just look for another man and if you are a friend who does this type of thing, you deserve all the hurt you get from ruining your friend’s marriages and relationships. Don’t talk about forgiveness and the Bible-that is called Karma.