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Rules to dating single fathers

09 May 2016, 14:32 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - As a woman, when you find a man that loves your child whom you had with another man-be happy and feel blessed.

As a woman, when you find a man with a child-we are obviously going to look for things that will tell us whether we want to stick around or not.

You know me, if I find out you already have a child with another woman; you know I am already afraid. It is not you, it is me. Ladies, and maybe some men, there are reasons why I am this way. The other day some Kenyan Casanova tells me, ‘Yes, I already have a wife and children. Ours was never that nice, but do not worry. She lives back at home in the village but we can be together. I want you to be my wife.’

This is when a woman dolls out this line, ‘I do not want to be married.’ You also make sure you have that hard look in your eye like a bad feminist. Then he says, ‘I want to give you a child.’ ‘I don’t want that either. I am okay as I am.’ If necessary you say you tied your tubes.

Why would I want to be in this bad equation? Aki Kenyan men; and you say the women are the problem. This man could obviously not lie that he was single; you know the ones that you can just tell. You can tell a lot about a man by the woman he chose to procreate with or the women.

If a man is single and you can see he is a good father to his child that is a good father for your children. If he takes care of the child and makes sure the child is okay, you are lucky if you want to be with him. But watch how he treats the baby mother. If it is with disregard, then count your days even as the wife because as soon as you finish birthing the children, you will be set aside because your work is done. Even as the wife.

If he is understanding no matter how much of a hard time she gives him; then that is a nice man to have as a boyfriend or husband. If he does not talk badly about her to you, or entertain the same from you, he respects women and he knows not to gossip like a woman. He is a man and knows his place.

If his baby mother is a crazy woman which is why I am the way I am in avoiding all single fathers, you ask yourself whether you want to deal with that. You do not have to. The man might be good, but he has baggage. Not the child, but the baby mother that follows you, starts drama, pops up at the house unannounced, loses the places she lives so he has to leave you to go help her find the place she needs-for the sake of the child. You did not see this one coming.

If he has more than one baby mother and wants to date, be more afraid than I am; because you are going to be another statistic. A man with more than one woman with his child is not looking to settle down, no matter what he tells you. If one of those women has more than one child with him, be sure that he is still dipping and dabbling with all of them.

If a man does not take care of any of his children don’t think it will be any different for you because you are the wife. He neglects them, he will neglect yours.

Being a single parent is not easy. Dating a single parent is even harder but not because of the child and their commitment to the child but because of the other person in the equation. Dating a single father, you will have to ask yourself all those questions. How many baby mothers does he have? How many children does he have? How does he treat all those children? Then, you will ask yourself whether you really want to be with this person.

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