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I'm finally free from the stigma of divorce

27 March 2016, 15:12 Violet Online

To catch up on the series, read Love, sex, drama and self-discovery: The escapades of Violet Online.

It’s been three years today since my divorce.  Three years and fifty-two blogs post.  I wrote about leaving my husband in blog post number one.  And I have never written about it again.

Until now.

I’d always felt a little guilty about my first sentence - ‘I left my husband’ - and in my writing I moved away from divorce as quickly as possible. I guess I just didn’t want to have to confront it.

But today, I lay on the grass in the gorgeous garden that I’ve created (on my own), staring at the clouds floating by, and I reflected on these last three years.And you know what - they have been damn good.
And I no longer feel guilty saying that.

There is such a stigma attached to divorce. When marriage works, it’s fantastic.  But when it doesn’t, people look at you with great pity.  They shake their heads and say - ‘What about the kids, what about money and how will you ever manage alone?’.
Well. The kids will be okay if you do it right.

And the other things will be tricky, of course they will be - money, loneliness, security - but hey, they can be tricky anyway.  I was really lonely within my marriage. And money was always an issue.

There’s something fabulous about being single.  I’m having a great time. And I’ve realised, three years later, I don’t have to feel guilty about saying that either.  I’m so glad that I’m meeting new people, reinventing myself in different ways, dating, and even sometimes, having great sex.
I’m so glad I did not settle for something that was less than mediocre.

I don’t mind that life is a lot harder.  It’s made me learn a whole lot about myself -  I’m strong, brave, courageous, independent, and actually, I can, and I deserve, to do and to have good things.

I no longer mind saying ‘I’m divorced’ when people ask me, or telling them why.  Except I don’t think anymore that I need to offer explanations.  People change their lives.  Thank goodness they do.  It takes courage. My ex and I managed to say good friends, and I think that’s been the biggest blessing.

Some things still scare me.  Paying off the bond terrifies me.  Hearing noises late at night can be kinda creepy.  And of course I get lonely sometimes.  Which is why I am eternally grateful for my amazing girlfriends.

I’ll keep looking for the right guy. I still have this romantic idea of being swept off my feet and maybe, just maybe the next guy I meet will be the one.  I won’t give up on chance meetings, internet dating and even Tinder, even though my last message was from a guy who was 109 and told me he was ‘built like an ox’.
Who knows? I may end up marrying him. And if I don’t, I am pretty damn okay on my own.

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- Women24


Sex talk

27 October 2016, 10:03

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