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Dirty talk, French style

26 August 2016, 18:24

Today, in case you didn’t know, is International Francophile Day and we can’t think of a better reason to turn our attention to the language of love.

Talking is a crucially important part of sex, all the way from the beginning when you employ some horrendous pick-up lines like “Did you ever realize screw rhymes with me and you?” to the midst of the deed itself, with the tricky topic of dirty talk.

English, despite its multitude of words, has never been the perfect language for sexy talk, everything often sounds a little too scientific (Let’s copulate with gusto!) French, however, is quite at home in the bedroom, and you don’t have to bag yourself a Gallic partner either, the simple sound of French is where much of the pleasure lies.

Below we’ve put together a list of useful phrases you can use to woo anyone with a working set of ears. We’ll start with the tame, romantic ones and work our way to the hot stuff.

BONUS: We’ve added a pronunciation guide so your tongue doesn’t get too twisted, after all, you might need it.

1. Est-ce que tu es aussi doux que tes yeux? (ess kuh too ay see doo ku tayz yuh)

• Translation: Are you as sweet as your eyes are? 

• When to use: The perfect way to introduce yourself to a potential partner, smooth and romantic.

2. Je peux vous offrir un verre ? (juh poo voo off-rear oon vehr)

• Translation: Can I get you a drink?

• When to use: The classic follow up to a successful pick up line, a yes here means there’s hope for your evening.

3. Vous êtes plus belle/beau que dix milliards couchers de soleil (vooz ets ploo bell ke dee mill-e-ards cooshers du soh-lay)

• Translation: You are more beautiful/handsome than a billion sunsets

• When to use: When you can see that the time is right to land a compliment but realise that in the 21st century thousands or millions don’t really cut it.

4. Je t’aime (juh tem)

• Translation: I love you

• When to use: If you’re dealing with an existing partner or you’ve just decided to go all out with your potential conquest (this may not work as expected)

5. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? (voo-lay voo coo-shay ah-veck mwa say swa)

• Translation: Do you want to sleep with me tonight

• When to use: When you’re confident the time is right to seal the deal, remember Oui means yes, non means no.

6. Jetez vos pantalons! (jeh-tey voh pantalons!)

• Translation: Discard your pantaloons!

• When to use: If you feel the best way to gain access to the nether regions is to speak like a 19th century aristocrat.

7. Nous allons la monter (Nooz all-ons la mon-tay)

• Translation: Let’s ride

• When to use: Pretty clear, but can also double up if you need to make a getaway on horseback in the morning

8. Puis-je vous donner le sexe oral? (Pwee-jay voo donair ley sex aural)

• Translation: May I provide you with oral sex?

• When to use: Everyone loves a moustache ride, but it’s best to ask like a gentlemen or lady. 

9. Ce est une excellente baisant! (Sey eh oon ecks-ell-ent bay-zon)

• Translation: This is an excellent shagging!

• When to use: If the shagging is excellent, it’s always good to let the other party know

10. Je vais éjaculer vigoureusement (juh vay eh-jac-you-lair vig-oh-rooz-ah-mon)

• Translation: I am going to ejaculate vigorously

• When to use: Forewarned is forearmed 


Mon aéroglisseur est plein d'anguilles (Mon airo-gliss-uhr ehs plen dang-wheels)

• Translation: My hovercraft is full of eels

• When to use: You can use this phrase throughout any discourse with a francophone with great success.

Bon chance, mes amis!

Read more:

Good sleep key to good sex
Could more sex lead to higher testosterone levels?
14 signs of a healthy relationship

- Health24

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