Why I plan to date more honestly
12 June 2015, 16:05
My dating site matched me with Frank. Frank looked amazing and sexy and he wore an eye patch. I immediately skipped John, Jake and Henni and went to look at Frank’s profile.
‘Hey. I’m Frank. I have one eye. I also only have one kidney but I am still so grateful for my health.’
At first I figured it was a joke and Frank was not just amazing and sexy but he was funny too. But then I looked at the rest of his profile:
‘I’ve had health issues for the last ten years. I have asthma which makes me snore and I suffer from sleep apnea.’
Come on Frank. You’re not going to get a date this way. One eye is okay. Snoring. Sleep apnea.
One fucking kidney.
Who is going to want to take all that on?
I went to look at two-kidneyed Kevin, full blooded Barnabus and Sven with his six pack. None of them appealed either, not just in looks but in profile.
Mostly because I have become cynical as hell and I know that someone like Kevin (I love sport) is too lazy to leave the couch, Barnabus is only into twenty year olds (I love adventure) and six pack Sven just wants to get laid. (I’m up for anything.)
I kept getting drawn back to Frank. There was something in his honesty that was attractive. I thought, imagine if on my profile, instead of putting up the most glam picture that I have of me, I put up one from when I’ve just gotten out of bed. And what if I acknowledged all my flaws.
My hair sticks up at all angles when I wake up.
I never shave my legs in winter.
I never shave my underarms fullstop.
I hate everyone when I have my period.
My tits sag.
So does my bum.
A bit controlling.
And I have been described as needy.
But I would never do it. Mostly because my tits don’t sag yet and who cares if I don’t shave in winter. I’m working on my neediness and my control issues, but also, why would I publicly advertise my flaws.
I’m vain. I can’t help it. I hold the world record in untagging myself on Facebook. When a friend puts up a shitty pic of me I end the friendship immediately. They would never put up a shitty pic of themselves.
We’re all vain.
But Frank has given me food for thought. Not enough that I would date him (sorry Frank, it’s the snoring thing), but maybe I too need to be more honest.
So I am going to change my dating profile. I’m going to choose a photograph that shows my very few wrinkles, very very very few, and I am going to make myself sound 'not too perfect'.
If anything, it might be a good exercise for me in honesty.
Watch out for the Real Violet.
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