When to let go of him
30 May 2013, 13:37
“Everyone has experienced some or other toxic relationship, sometimes you must let go and leave well enough alone.”
In an ideal world, people in relationships would treat each other fairly, equally and with respect. You could have a frank discussion with someone and share opinions without ever being accused of being critical of the other person’s thoughts and values - relationships would thrive.
This however, is the real world.
People you come across every single day have a history. They may have been wronged in the past, they may have felt unloved, they may have been a victim of abuse or they may have battled through poverty.
Not every person knows how to take the wrongs of the past and use it as a point of growth and therefore need to be treated with sensitivity.
Since you and I also have a history this isn’t always easy. We are in conflict with ourselves. We may try to put the past behind us but this often still influences the choices we make, the people we invite into our lives and the lives we live.
The burden is sometimes bigger than what we can manage ourselves but who do we turn to for help?
If everyone is battling with their own burdens it surely isn’t fair to burden them with ours too? If the matter we are dealing with is intensely private and hard to share the situation seems hopeless.
Yes, there are support groups and community forums but to gain access to that help you have to first be willing to talk about it.
The one issue that I can use as an example is emotional abuse and manipulation. Have you ever been in a relationship (platonic or otherwise) where you seem to spend your days trying to please someone?
It can often take months to get into their good books and then with one wrong word it is all dashed to pieces. You make excuses for them; you believe it is your fault.
“If only I had tried harder/not said that/not had a difference of opinion…” And every time you promise yourself that next time you will get it right. You may even be at the point where you go, “screw this, I’m outta here” but then the person promises to change. Says that he/she is committed to making it work; will try not to be so volatile. And so the cycle begins again.
At what point do you say enough is enough; this will never work; they need help, not me and leave?
For how long will you tell yourself, “this time it will be different”, “I love him/her so I must make it work”, “I’ll just try one more time…”
This is a toxic situation. As you are already burdened with your own history you don’t need this rubbish in your life. There comes a point at which you have to decide to leave well enough alone and move forward.
Have you had to make a choice like this before? How did you “let go”? The example above is just one of many similar situations that people experience on a day to day basis – what advice do you have for other readers who may be struggling to make that life changing decision?