Single is the way to go in 2014
07 January 2014, 09:06
This year you are going to shoot the lights out. You can imagine it already and you’re SO happy you kick Mr Ex to the curb two days before Christmas.
The next 365 days are going to be filled with 'girls’ nights' out, after-Work Cosmopolitans, random one night stands with hunky looking bartenders. All as part of your fabulous 2014 Sex and The City dream.
Before you rush off to buy a Carrie Bradshaw Tulle skirt, let’s just do a quick reality check to make sure 2014 doesn’t end up making you feel like Bridget Jones before she met Colin Firth.
The reality is that you don’t live in a swanky Manhattan apartment, there is no elusive Mr Big, none of your friends have uber trendy jobs with uber sexy bosses and you don’t have three gorgeous girlfriends on speed dial ready and waiting for another over-the-top, terrific night out.
Instead you live in a complex in Lonehill (at least you have a garden unit), your ex is a fat, lazy beer-drinking Blue Bull, your friends are all married (or almost there) and the highlight of your social life is being invited to a braai on the weekend where you are the only single one or where Jacqueline “can’t wait to introduce you to her (much) younger brother Jasper”.
Your All The Single Ladies dream may very well just remain a 2014 elusion if you don’t take these vital steps to force yourself off your beloved (recently purchased) Coricraft couch, away from your full DStv bouquet and out of your Haagen Daz Chocolate Chip bowl of ice cream on any given weekend?
In being fabulously single in 2014, you firstly need to get your attitude right so I’m going to give it to you:
• You are single by choice - (maybe not by your choice but who cares and who needs to know). You are busy, interesting, highly driven and you just 'haven’t had the time' to find someone special yet. You’re in no rush and anything but desperate.
• You love the freedom that being single brings you. Sure, one day you’ll settle down and all of that but for now you love being able to go for a glass of wine with the girls, go on dates, fly to Cape Town for the weekend to visit your sister and all of those fantastic things that a man just gets in the way of.
• You enjoy dating and you’ve met wonderful guys but not anyone that blows your socks off.
Once you’ve mastered your Sexy Single Girl attitude, you can start with the fun practical stuff but keep in mind that being single is not about finding a man. It’s about getting your own life into a position where you are able to attract and keep the right man. This man needs to see that you are not desperate, that you have a wonderful life and that he is lucky to be a part of it.
Now, let’s get to work:
• Go to gym
No one said this was going to be easy. In order to attract someone, you need to look and feel your best. Exercise is an integral part of this process. The gym is also a great place to meet someone so make sure your gym track suit isn’t the same one you bought in January four years ago as part of another New Year’s Resolution.
• Update your wardrobe and flaunt it, girl.
I understand how your favourite onesie or comfy snoopy pyjamas are still the only clothes that can ever bring you true happiness, but sadly this love will not very likely be shared by another. Whether you’re stepping out to buy groceries or attending a cocktail party, make sure you look Mr Perfect ready. We attract what we exude.
• Expand your social circle to include new friends
Not just potential boyfriends. You never know who your new friends may introduce you to and let’s face it, no one is going to come and rescue you off your couch. You’ll need to be out and about in order to meet other people. New friends mean new, interesting places and faces which beat Friday night chick flick specials.
• Take up a new hobby, any hobby as long as it entails interaction with others. There are countless options here; running clubs, wine academies, photography courses, hiking groups, writing classes, art lessons. Your objective is not to hunt down a man. It is to enjoy yourself and to fill your own life with fun and stimulating events.
People are naturally drawn to interesting, exciting people and a man is no different. The more keenly you pursue activities, the broader your fields of interest become which in turn contributes to making you an all-round fascinating and desirable woman.
• Accept invitations and extend them.
You’re taking the steps to expand your social circle in joining hobby and activity groups and fitness clubs. Aim to develop friendships out of these encounters. If a new acquaintance invites you for a drink, lunch or even a family dinner – accept! The final episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians is no reason to stay in.
There are always reruns and of course PVR. If invitations aren’t as forthcoming as you’d like them to be, put yourself out there and extend your own. Invite a friend or two from your running club with someone you’ve met at your writing class to a dinner at your place. Make sure the food is simple and the wine is in abundance.
• Join mailing lists.
Clothing stores, beauty and hair salons, book shops and jewellery lines are continuously launching new products and hosting parties to do so. Attend everything.
• Join a charity organisation.
Exposing yourself to the challenges others face is a certain and positive way of shedding light and perspective on your own situation. To focus on the needs of others protects us from becoming overly self-involved and egocentric.
There are so many charitable causes we can get involved in to assist and provide comfort to those less fortunate. Giving is often the most rewarding act of all.
• Stay abreast of what’s happening in your town or city.
If you’re lucky enough to live in a city make sure you reap all the benefits that come with it. It’s only fair that the city rewards you for putting up with traffic, protests and potholes. There is a wealth of opportunities for interaction all around you. You just need to figure out when and where.
These revelries may include art gallery opening or displays, pop-up picnics, black and white movie screenings or historical township visits. Subscribe to newsletters such as Joburg.co.za or Capetown.co.za to stay updated on everything that is being featured in and around your area. If you don’t feel like going by yourself, invite a friend or one of your book club members to join you. They’ll appreciate the gesture and creative initiative to do something new and different.
• Utilise your existing social circles.
Phone a school friend (Facebook doesn’t count, we’re talking real conversation here), invite a neighbour over for a glass of wine, join your university Alumni, get involved in Friday after work drinks with colleagues and attend your High School reunion even if you don’t want to admit to yourself that it’s been that long.
Hopefully there you’ll run into a few ex classmates that will be a living example of how bad things could have turned out. Mean? Maybe. A little pick-me-upper, definitely!
• Internet dating sites are not even a consideration for someone as awesome as you!
You are far too glamorous and amazing to have your face splashed all over the internet like a crazy cat lady desperate to have a man in her life. Internet dating sites are the playing fields for married men looking for sex, poor men looking for cash and desperate men looking for anything they can find.
You’re in a different league. Rather join a Social Outsourcing service purely focused on the single person. No desperation, just style and sophistication.
Now you can celebrate 2014 by doing your “All the single ladies” booty shake and dancing your way to sexy, single, superstardom!