Single but not ready to mingle?
19 September 2013, 10:32
Qualified psychologist, Suzette Leal, gives advice on what you can do to get back on the social scene and start enjoying life again.
Another dreaded Friday night and you’re on your couch by yourself watching the chick flick special on TV.
This is certainly not how you pictured your life when you kicked 'Mr Ex' to the curb six months ago.
Spontaneous girls’ nights out and after-work cocktails now seem like a distant Sex and The City dream.
The unfortunate reality is that you don’t live in a swanky Manhattan apartment, there is no elusive 'Mr Big' and you don’t have three gorgeous girlfriends on speed dial who can entice you into indulging in another crazy night.
Instead, you live in a apartment alone, all your friends are married and the highlight of your social life is being invited to a nyamachoma over the weekends. So, your “All The Single Ladies” dream is shattered, but what next?
How do you get yourself off your beloved couch and out of your Chocolate Chip bowl of ice cream on any given weekend?
In being fabulously single, you firstly need to get your attitude right so I’m going to give it to you:
-You are single BY CHOICE (maybe not by your choice but who cares and who needs to know). You are busy, interesting, highly driven and you just “haven’t had the time” to find someone special yet. You’re in no rush and anything but desperate.
-You love the freedom that being single brings you. Sure, one day you’ll settle down and all of that but for now you love being able to go for a glass of wine with the girls, fly to Mombasa for the weekend to visit your sister and all of those fantastic things that a man just gets in the way of. Lastly,
-You enjoy dating and you’ve met wonderful guys but not anyone that blows your mind away. Once you’ve mastered your sexy single Girl attitude, you can start with the fun practical stuff but keep in mind that
Being single is not about finding a man. It’s about getting your own life into a position where you are able to attract and keep the RIGHT man. This man needs to see that you are not desperate, that you have a wonderful life and that he is lucky to be a part of it.
Now for the hard yet very rewarding work:
- Go to gym. No one said this was going to be easy. In order to attract someone, you need to look and feel your best. Exercise is an integral part of this process.
The gym is also a great place to meet someone so make sure your gym track suit isn’t the same one you bought in January four years ago.
-Update your wardrobe and flaunt it, girl. Whether you’re stepping out to buy groceries or attending a cocktail party, make sure you look Mr Perfect ready. Remember, we attract what we exude.
-Expand your social circle to include new friends – not just potential boyfriends. You never know who your new friends may introduce you to and let’s face it, no-one is going to come and rescue you off your couch. New friends mean new, interesting places and faces.
-Take up a new hobby, any hobby as long as it entails interaction with others. There are countless options here; running clubs, wine academies, photography courses, hiking groups, writing classes, art lessons. Your objective is not to hunt down a man. It is to enjoy yourself and to fill your own life with fun and stimulating events.
-Accept invitations and extend them. You’re taking the steps to expand your social circle in joining hobby and activity groups and fitness clubs. Aim to develop friendships out of these encounters.
If a new acquaintance invites you for a drink, lunch or even a family dinner – accept!
-Join a charity organisation. Exposing yourself to the challenges others face is a certain and positive way of shedding light and perspective on your own situation.
-Stay abreast of what’s happening in your town or city. If you’re lucky enough to live in a city make sure you reap all the benefits that come with it. It’s only fair that the city rewards you for putting up with traffic, protests and potholes. There is a wealth of opportunities for interaction all around you.
-Utilise your existing social circles; phone a school friend (Facebook doesn’t count, we’re talking real conversation here), invite a neighbour over for a glass of wine, join your university Alumni, get involved in Friday after work drinks with colleagues and attend your High School reunion - even if you don’t want to admit to yourself that it’s been that long.
-Internet dating sites are not even a consideration for someone as awesome as you! You are far too glamorous and amazing to have your face splashed all over the internet like a crazy cat lady desperate to have a man in her life. Rather join a social outsourcing service purely focused on the single person.
They organize and host several tailor-made events on a monthly basis for their members.
These events include: night outs, sports activities, themed parties, games nights and cooking classes. No desperation, just style and sophistication.
Now you can get off your couch do your best “All the single ladies” booty shake and start dancing your way to single superstardom!