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"Share your dare" - how to create a spark in the most staid sex life

10 October 2014, 09:32 Dorothy Black

Nairobi - Want to spice up your sex life? Dorothy Black shares her mild to wild dare list.

Quiet seductions:

No underwear for the day -That means both you and he go commando. Photographic evidence of this throughout the day is required.

Taking a naked selfie at work - You choose the body part and the edge. Is nipping off to the bathroom good enough? Or will you require something more daring like the parking lot, office kitchen or work desk?

Email or text your partner a fantasy you have - It doesn’t have to be a book, a few lines will do. Pick a day and set a time that you both have to send some saucy thoughts to each other, preferably something you’ve never told each other before.

A free pass any time, anywhere - Choose a week in which you and your honey have a free pass to take whatever you want, whenever you want. Whether that means going full Bonobo, deciding it’s time for a sexy bath together or wanting your ears tickled, you each get a turn to call the shots.

Hand over the razor - If you groom your pubes or legs by shaving – and trust your man’s steady hand – give him the razor so that he can trim your lady bits. Then do the same to him (following good shaving protocol, nobody loves razor burn). If you wax, he’s gotta wax.

Also read: 12 Bedroom mood killers

Lessons in body love - You each take turns showing each other how you like to be touched. That means he watches you while you masturbate, and vice versa. Tell each other what works and explain what you’re doing.

Turning up the volume:

Wear a sex toy for the day - I had an ex who wore cock rings all the time. He liked the idea that he could feel the pressure around the base and that he was slightly hard and aware of his penis throughout the day.

Ladies can pop in Ben Wa balls, a jade egg (difficult to get) or Smartballs (available through most sex toy stores.) Your kegels will get a work out and you’ll build a slow-burn turn-on for later.

Dare to dress up - This is proper play time, whether you’re dressing up in an evening gown and your heels, or role-playing nurse and patient. Share your ultimate sexy dress-up fantasies and then fulfill them for each other.

Go pretend porno - Take the opportunity to freak out the neighbours and have a laugh by putting on your best performance, with all the 'ooohs' and 'aaaahs' and 'oh yes baby you’re such big, bad boy' as you can fit in.

Surprise blowjob - At any point of the day, wherever you are except the bedroom, you slip his joystick some tongue. He has one free pass to do the same. It doesn’t have to be to orgasm. The aim is to make it as surprise-worthy and risky as possible. As the receiver, you can’t refuse. Think parental homes, galleries, theatres etc etc

Car sex - This is self-explanatory. How large or small you and your guy are, as well as what kind of car you have, will affect your position.

My favourites are cowgirl with him in the passenger seat or putting back the passenger seat and lying back with him in a kind of missionary hover.

And of course you have the back seat, a la Titanic. A friend of mine has a large 4x4 with blacked out windows and he and his missus like to park the car in corner parking bays at shopping malls and get their jiggy on in the back. True story.

Dom/sub trading cards - Take two pieces of paper and write 'Dom' and 'sub' on each, scrunch them up and have him blind choose one of the balls.

Whatever he picks is his role for the night. If he chooses 'Dom' he has to assume the role of dominant, taking control while you do exactly what he says. If he chooses 'sub' you become the Dom and get to order him around – for anything, but generally for something sexy. Swap the choice around on another night. This could go from mild to wild very quickly.

Go nudist - For a day you walk around the house with no clothes. Not a thong, not a T-shirt, not a bra. Flip a coin, heads has to don nothing but a gown or a coat and go ask the neighbour for some sugar.

Hotter that hot

Get off in a public place - Do this together wherever: in public toilets, gardens, balconies, clubs – take your loving public without being caught. Do this separately by setting a text/masturbate dare for your partner. Decide on a code word and when you text that to your partner they have 20 minutes to masturbate to orgasm no matter where they are.

Photographic evidence will be required. The first time I did this I was being given a crash course in Dom/sub relationships with a German Master, Master D.

Use a couple’s sex toy at a fancy dinner out - Use a remote-controlled toy, one that has an insertable 'egg' and has good remote range. He controls the buzz while you talk politely over silver service or mingle at a party. I challenge you to keep a straight face. It also makes boring family get-togethers a lot more interesting.

Say yes to one thing you would usually say no to - We all have what we think are our hard limits; those things we don’t believe we’ll ever try. But should you choose this, you will say yes to the exploration of that no. Maybe it’s anal, maybe it’s being tied up, maybe it’s role-playing or using food … or being peed on?

Make your own sex tape - video or photograph yourselves having penetrative or oral sex. Don’t worry about getting it perfect or great lighting. Decide before-hand what you will do with your personal porno. My advice? Take it, watch it together and then delete it.

No bra for the day - This sounds simple, but when Master D demanded I do this during a normal work day, I felt more naked in public than I ever did lying on Sandy Bay in my birthday suit. 'Every time you feel the material of the shirt brush against your nipples, every time you feel shy that someone can see, you’ll think of me.'

Swap underwear/ swap roles - He wears your undies, puts on your make-up, paints his nails; you put on the boxers, wear his pants and walk around topless. For extra measure, you assume each other’s roles. Not for the faint-hearted. It’s likely to open up some big conversations.

Pick up a stranger - Go to a bar or club and watch your partner pick up another person. You or your partner could interject or just watch. I find a common fantasy – or even just a mild turn on – that people have, is knowing their partners are desired by others.

This could be purely conceptual or voyeuristic in nature. Again, there are a lot of conversations that this will open up. Whether you all go home together or the play ends after the first drink, you and your mate are in this together and are the team that is playing this dare out.

 - Women24

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Sex talk

27 October 2016, 10:03

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