My husband's uncontrollable obsession with sex
15 April 2015, 12:10
Nairobi - I am married to a man with ADHD and I am on a rollercoaster ride from hell.
My husband has an obsession with sex, perhaps an addiction even. He can never have enough sex and the sex we have never meets his unreasonably high standards. He gets bored so easily that trying to satisfy him feels like mission impossible. He demands sex at least twice a day, every day, without any concern for whether I am tired, sick or even in the mood.
He is always wanting to try new things. New positions, sexy outfits, bondage, role-playing, whips and chains, sex in public, threesomes - you name it, we've done it. Keeping up with his antics is driving me mad!
And that isn't even the end of it, my husband watches so much porn that
it simply has to be pathological. He neglects his responsibilities at
home and at work because he is so distracted with watching his dirty
little videos. He has even been caught watching porn and masturbating in
his office at work! How disgustingly humiliating must it have been for
the intern who walked in on that???
He tries to hide the extent
of it from me, but I know that the reason he is up all night in his
study really isn't because his boss has given him another deadline. A
quick look at his search history shows that he spends up to six or seven
hours a day on porn sites and sex chat rooms.
His crazy behaviour has pushed our marriage to the brink. I know that
there have been other women whilst we have been married. I am not
stupid. How would one woman ever be enough for a man like this?
is one of the most absent fathers I have ever come across. Our friends
have jokingly asked me if he even knows his kids' names. The extent of
his obsession means that spending time with his two children has just
never been a priority.
In a desperate attempt to save our
destructive marriage, I started researching his behaviour on the
internet. Apparently obsessive sexual behaviour is quite common in
adults with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder.
medical sites say that often adults with ADHD can be either hyper-sexual
or hypo-sexual. My husband is hyper-sexual - he needs way more sexual
satisfaction and stimulation than a normal person. Others with ADHD can
be hypo-sexual; they are not interested in sex or cannot perform
sexually and therefore avoid sex almost entirely.
Because they are easily bored and have difficulty communicating, adults
with ADHD can be known to struggle hold meaningful relationships at the
best of times. At worst, the release of endorphins during sex becomes so
addictive that it becomes the pinnacle focus of their existence.
hyper-sexuality and sex addiction in people with ADHD can be treated
and managed with therapy but I just don't know if I can do this any
longer. His ADHD has made him a bad father, a cheater, a disappointment
as a husband and a dirty fetishist.
Am I a terrible person for wanting to walk away from a man because of his ADHD?
Name withheld for privacy reasons
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