Love and excess baggage
03 August 2012, 17:18
When it comes to relationships, I can't help but wonder: Is it better to pack light, or pay the heavy price for all the 'unnecessary' carry-on?
They say you should always pack light
when travelling to a foreign destination... The golden rule at least
twenty-seven percent of us forget to acknowledge, so when we find
ourselves having to re-pack an entire suitcase in front of everyone at
the check-in counter, we can't help but wonder why.
duty-free shopping and shoes made by real Italians, trinkets, souvenirs
and one-of-a-kind couture; could that be the case? It's almost as if we
completely disregard the true purpose of being abroad
anyway, and while no shopping spree should ever be done in vain, the
heavy penalty fees of excess baggage can easily bring about a serious
case of buyer's remorse.
As I sat in the transit lounge waiting
for my flight to arrive I thought about the first time I made my
departure from the Virgin Islands. I was only sixteen with absolutely
everything sweet about me. His name was Gavin, a smooth operator with
dangerous baby blues and a wicked smile.
Bad boys and dark pasts
Like most good Catholic girls, I had an affinity for bad boys
with a dark past and a hot ride. After numerous dates and several
flirtatious encounters, I felt as though I was ready to go "all the
way". There was something undiscovered and genuine about the way he made
me feel, and even though I was petrified of losing my virginity to
someone I barely knew, I was convinced that we were on our way to
It was a night of many firsts...the
first time I had been inside the Vic Junction; the first time I got
wasted on a sparkling substance called "champagne", a liquid that I'd
later discover to be a knock-off of the original, and the first time I
had ever laid my heart on the line for someone else. Although my
hormones were raging full speed ahead, my heart was caught somewhere
between the sky and a vulnerable state of uncertainty.
remember sitting there wondering if it was too late to turn back, but
Gavin was one step ahead of me. Noticing my discomfort he put his best
moves on me and said all the things a girl needs to hear on her first time.
For a brief moment, his bad boy persona melted away and I finally
caught a glimpse of the perfect gentleman that I had always dreamed of. I
had no idea that I was about to fuck a professional man-ho.
he was done, I got up slowly and started getting dressed. I had already
been insecure about my body having lived an overweight existence for
most of my childhood but he made me feel so sexy and desirable.
A painful reality
I waited for some kind of tender aftermath to follow, he smiled and
reassuringly kissed me on the forehead, "Don't forget to close the
curtains on your way out." And that was that. He rolled over, turned the
light off and went to bed.
Are you fucking serious? How could
this be? Was I being punished for being a puta? Was this how I'd
remember my first time for the rest of my life? Stunned by his apathy
combined with my general lack of experience in this situation, I did as
he requested and left.
Whether or not I lived up to his sex-pectations,
nothing can take away the permanent damage that this little encounter
had left on my psyche. It was clear to me that this would be the first
piece of emotional baggage I would have to carry around for the rest of
my life. Was I really a lousy lay or was Gavin just a complete and utter
thought was too heavy for me to handle at such a young age but I knew
at that moment I had just been exposed to the darker side of human
nature. Even though I allowed myself to fall in love over and over again
out of fear of becoming jaded, I was hesitant to trust anyone again not to mention the looming insecurity of being physically inadequate.
my mind, Gavin had died a slow and painful death but the memory of that
night would haunt me forever, costing me several relationships along
the way. When the load becomes too heavy to handle, we should see it as a
sign to get help.
is nothing more unattractive than someone who is uncomfortable in their
own skin. Fortunately, with the help of a little therapy, I managed to
unpack some of the extra weight into practical overhead compartments.
The truth is that no-one wants to deal with someone else's emotional
baggage and my guess is it's probably because they are too busy trying
to deal with their own.
When it comes to relationships, I
couldn't help but wonder, is it better to pack light or pay the heavy
price for all that unnecessary carry-on?