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Lies lovers tell

25 October 2015, 17:22

Relationships are complicated things. Ever got the feeling that  a lover's explanation you were listening to was missing some details?

We've cracked the lover's code.

Lie: We are just friends

Truth: Try as I might, this person just won't get into bed with me - yet

Lie: I worry about your health    

Truth: If you think I am going to push you around in a wheelchair when you've got emphysema, you've got another think coming

Lie: I have never faked an orgasm  

Truth: If you believe that, you'll believe anything

Lie: I like you as a friend    

Truth: One step closer and I'll punch you on the nose

Read Also: 3 reasons women stay in bad relationships

Lie: I want you to be successful    

Truth: Can you seriously see me living as a pauper until my inheritance comes through?

Lie: Of course you aren't fat    

Truth: Pick up two more kgs and I'll hit the road

Lie: I'm not ready for a relationship    

Truth: Not with you anyway, not now or ever

Lie: I have only had sex with one other person  

Truth: I am not counting colleagues or one-night-stands

Lie: What's mine is yours    

Truth: Touch my hi-fi or video recorder and you're dead.  What's more, you don't even know about my shares

Lie: I'll love you forever    

Truth: You are actually the third person I've said this to, but you know how these things go

Lie: I have to go out of town on business    

Truth: The tall, dark and handsome guy from accounts is coming too.

Lie: I can't make it tonight - I have family commitments    

Truth: An old girlfriend/boyfriend is in town and I am having dinner at the hotel

Lie: I need space    

Truth: I have met someone else

Lie: I love you when you wash the dishes    

Truth: This one is true - I will also tell you how much I love you when you fetch the kids, even though it is my turn.

Read Also: Why your relationship is like money

Lie: Of course I care about your parents    

Truth: I just don't like to spend time with them

Lie: I'm not good enough for you - you deserve someone better    

Truth: Actually I deserve someone better

Lie: It's not a problem at all, I understand    

Truth: If you ever make me wait half an hour in the boiling sun for you again, I'll give you up for medical experiments

Lie: That outfit looks lovely    

Truth: You look like Goofy, but we are already half an hour late

Lie: Of course I want to go shopping with you    

Truth: What's in it for me?

Lie: I'm working late, but remember I'm doing it for us    

Truth: I was the first one to manage to get a date with the new marketing manager

Lie: I'm not going to ask you again to pick up your underwear from the bathroom floor    

Truth: I'll probably have to ask you another twelve thousand times

Lie: My cellphone was switched off last night, because I went to bed early    

Truth: I was not alone

Lie: Of course he/she is not as attractive as you are    

Truth: I can feel my nose growing longer

Lie: I love you just the way you are    

Truth: What choice do I have anyway?

Lie: Sorry I didn't wait up for you    

Truth: I sat in the dark in the sitting room and quickly ran to bed when I heard your car stopping

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