How to be a complete idiot on Facebook
12 November 2013, 14:42
Top tips to being a total fool on your fave social media site:
1. Create a shared profile with your “hubby”
You know your marriage is rock solid when you have a joint Facebook account. And call him hubby. It's so cute!
2. Or even better, create an account for your newborn baby
And update it's status. Not freaky at all.
3. Announce your anniversary every few months
Who cares that anniversaries actually only happen once a year ie. Annually? Make sure that everyone knows how much love you each other by stating that you’ve been dating for three months.
4. Gym updates, bru!
Everyone loves reading a good status about how much you’re sweating at gym. Sommer add a photo of the number of calories you burnt on the treadmill too, because your friends need to know that you’re a #skinnybitch! Talking about hastags...
5. #Hastag #every #word
#seriously #every #single #word
6. Rant rant rant
People don’t have their own problems, so please share your story (and pic) of the over ripe avo you bought at Woolies today #firstworldproblems
7. Post images of your half-finished food or decorated cappuccino
Your friends really do want to see what you have for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day. Especially that green smoothie that you had just after your hectic gym session! Yum!
8. Copy, paste, copy, paste!
Copy and paste a lame, long, usually soppy status update that ends with “copy and paste this as your status update if you also love your mother/sister/dog." It works beautifully as it’s almost as annoying as chain letters.
9. Seek attention
Be sure to post attention-seeking updates, only to backtrack later. Here’s an example:
You: “Oh, my life feels like it’s over”
Concerned friend: “What’s wrong?”
You: “Oh, nothing.”
That will be sure to earn you a top spot in the popularity stakes.
10. Check in everywhere
Because we really do want to know that you’ve just arrived at “my bed.”
11. Obsessively tag all your and other people’s photos
Even when your friends/boyfriend/family look like total idiots. As long as you look hot. Remember to act surprised when someone isn’t happy about the pic.
12. Link all your social media sites
So that, in addition to all the awesome things you already give us on Facebook, we can also see what you’re doing on Twitter (fighting with other people on twitter), Instagram (selfies) and Pinterest (dream outfits)
13. Get engaged and tell the whole world
Post picture of your average ring, and after a few weeks create an album of your black and white beach themed engagement shoot. We can’t wait!
14. Like mah staaaaay–tus
Like your own status. Before everyone else does. It shows how awesome you are!
15. Sleepy selfies
Take a picture of yourself “sleeping” (with a mirror in the background showing you taking the picture), but pretend your “boyfriend/girlfriend” took it.
16. Do the Duckface
Post a status about how you can’t stand girls taking duckface photos, while forgetting that you’re actually pulling a duckface in your profile photo.
17. Say inappropriate things to people you don’t know that well
Remember that hot guy you met last night? Go through every single photo of him ever tagged or uploaded and tell him how “absolutely gorgeous” he is. He’ll so appreciate it.
18. Create albums containing photos of only you
And call it "me". Add blurry Blackberry photos of you in a million different poses.