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Guys and long distance relationships

02 July 2015, 13:03

Nairobi - When you meet the woman of your dreams you’re convinced that there is nothing in the world that could possibly separate you from her ever again. But what if she doesn’t live in your town or anywhere near you? And what if it will take months before you can make plans to live closer to each other?

Long-distance relationships (LDRs) aren’t easy. Many a romantic affair of great hope and potential has been wrecked by the physical distance between lovers, no matter how close they were emotionally. That’s not to say that LDRs can’t work. Far from it. Here are some useful tips to help you make yours a resounding success.

Establish the ground rules

First things first. An LDR is only going to work if both partners are on the same page when it comes to what is expected and acceptable behaviour - what’s “on” and what’s “not on”. How often are you going to see each other? How often will you phone each other? Are you going to have an exclusive, monogamous relationship or is it ok to “see” other people? And what exactly does that mean?

All of this might seem unnecessary to you right now, but if both of you know precisely what to expect from the start by honestly and openly exploring these issues, your chances of making your LDR work - not only across a great distance, but also for an extended period of time - are immeasurably improved.

Communicate, communicate, communicate

Good communication is the basis for any successful relationship, especially for a long-distance one. Communicating regularly - ideally every day – is absolutely crucial if you want to ensure that you keep in touch properly. And it doesn’t have to be expensive either: use a combination of phone, Skype, Twitter, email and Facebook and you won’t break the bank.

Make sure you talk to her honestly and openly and be sure to share your feelings with her. Yes, many guys find this hard, but it’s essential for maintaining intimacy.

Tell her about the ups as well as the downs in your personal and professional life. Ask her for advice, talk about your future together and make joint plans. Write her love letters and poems and send them via snail mail – very romantic! Always be supportive, patient and understanding.

Do things together

You don’t have to be physically close to each other to do things you both enjoy together. Read the same book or watch your favourite TV series at the same time and sms each other what you think about the latest developments in them. This will help you share experiences and develop an emotional connection.

Send her gifts

Sending her thoughtful presents on a regular basis - without becoming predictable! - will earn you a mountain of Brownie points. Choose things she loves and things that will make her think of you: flowers, chocolates, a book, a CD, a DVD, perfume or a framed picture of yourself all make great gifts.

Trust her

Work on building an honest, open and trustful relationship. It’s the only way you won’t end up second-guessing each other or jumping to unwarranted conclusions about the things that are happening in your respective lives. Trust her decisions and choices and resist the temptation to try to control her from afar. Jealousy is one of the biggest LDR killers!

Spice up your long-distance love life

Ever tried phone sex? Now’s the time! It’s not for everyone, but you might just both get a real kick out of it. Start slowly and gently and see where it leads you. If it all ends in a mutual telephonic giggle-fest you’ll still feel that you’ve shared an intimate experience.

Write erotic fantasies involving the two of you for each other. Send her some tasteful erotic literature, sexy lingerie or even a beautiful sex toy.

Get together as often as you can

No matter how often you speak on the phone, in the long run no romantic relationship can survive without physical closeness and intimacy. You should plan to meet each other in person as frequently as is practically and financially possible. If both of you are truly in love this won’t pose any problems as you’ll both jump at any opportunity to be near each other.

Ask CyberShrink a question 

(Andrew Luyt, Health24, November 2010)

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- Health24


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