7 secret tests of attraction
22 March 2016, 16:44
Nairobi – The complexities surrounding ones love life is
constantly being shaped through our everyday encounters with modern day love.
Between everyday life and bad love encounters some of us may
have left us disillusioned.
However a team from the US have come up with solutions to
narrow down ways in which you can tell if someone likes you.
The Standard Media reported on the New Scientist, a study of heterosexual relationships, 90
University of Montana students demonstrated 158 techniques of deducing if a
friend they fancied, fancied them back.
In their article though, they provided seven techniques.
This is most common type of test. In this category, the
love-struck friend does their best to test the other person’s feelings by
fishing for compliments or demanding help – especially if it comes at a cost to
A classic endurance gambit is the self-put-down. As one
respondent recalled: “He was really getting down on himself, saying he wasn’t a
very capable or nice person. He said it to get me to compliment him and
verbalise how much I thought of him.”
Another type of endurance test is called forced choice, in
which your friend wants to see if you will drop everything for them. “She came
to where I work out and said that she was really depressed but didn’t want to
bother me,” said one man in his interview. “She really wanted to see if I would
stop what I was doing and show my concern, indicating how much I care for her.”
Finally, enamoured friends will behave like spoiled brats,
pushing their friend’s buttons to see how much mistreatment they will put up
with without complaining – will you still like them even when they’re being a
The second most popular type of test was dubbed the
triangle, because it relies on the age-old saying “three’s a crowd”.
Some people engineer “fidelity checks”, especially if the
relationship has already strayed beyond the platonic. One of the interviewees
wanted to test if her boyfriend was as keen as she was. “I would intentionally
leave him alone with my room-mate and then ask him when I returned ‘What have
the two of you been up to?’ If he acted uncomfortable, I would know that he
wasn’t faithful – or at least that he was thinking about being unfaithful to
Others employ jealousy tests: “I tested her limits by going
out with other women and making sure that she found out about it. I wanted to
know what kind of relationship commitment she wanted,” said one man.
3. Hint, hint
Then there are the indirect suggestion tests: joking about
serious feelings, hinting or getting increasingly intimate with bodily contact.
“When we were just becoming romantic, he kept getting more and more bold with
his touching – first his arm around my shoulder, then moving in real close,
etc. He was waiting to see if I would tell him when to stop as a sign of how
much I liked him,” said one interviewee.
4. Miss me?
Distance is supposed to make the heart grow fonder, and
indeed physical separation is a common test. One respondent admitted: “To see
if our relationship was really strong I tested it… by going overseas for a few months.”
If you have felt like you didn’t want to be the first to
call, you could be using another separation test called initiation induction.
“When I returned from Switzerland, he didn’t call me even though he knew
exactly when I was returning. He wanted to see if I still felt the same way
about him by calling him first,” one woman recalls.
5. Heart to heart
The directness test is really the opposite of a secret
strategy. Far more popular with men than women, it involves either asking a
person straight out how they feel, or speaking openly about yourself in the
hope your love interest will too.
“I was having trouble getting him to open up to me about his
family and his background,” one woman said, “so I started talking about my
folks and sisters, hoping that he would reciprocate and tell me about himself
as a sign that he trusted me and wanted me to know more about him.”
6. Inside information
Ever tried to find out from someone’s friends whether they
might have a crush on you? Then you have employed what Baxter and Wilmot aptly
call asking third party tests. It might sound like playground behaviour, but
grown-ups do it too.
Most cringeworthy of all are public presentation tests,
which basically involve backing your friend into a corner, in public.
As one woman put it, “I intentionally introduced him as my
boyfriend to my best friend who came to visit and then watched how he reacted –
you know, did he seem embarrassed?”
It is probably a good thing these tests are the least common
of all. If you’re on the receiving end, while waiting for the ground to swallow
you up, this might be the moment when you see your friend in a whole new light
– just not the way they hoped.
Also read:4 things women should never do to their man.