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5 things bound to happen when reading erotic books

16 February 2015, 13:55 Tammy February

Many women have been reading erotic fiction long before Fifty Shades of Grey became a world-wide hit. The only difference now is that with this book becoming such a huge best-seller, people are no longer hiding this fact.

From the Crossfire series following the Fifty Shades hoo-ha, to books like Eighty Days Yellow, erotic fiction has been heating up the lives of many readers.

If you’ve been reading this genre for years, you’ll know that with all the romantic and kinky shenanigans that go hand in hand with these novels, it starts giving us some rather high (and unrealistic) expectations of sex.

Not only that, but we become aware of a few other unavoidable things that occur when we start getting into these books:

1. Your expectations of sex are exponentially higher

With the graphic and descriptive sex scenes in books and instantaneous orgasms experienced by the woman being “pleasured” by her “well-endowed” man, is it really any wonder that many women lose themselves in these sensual fantasies? I think not.

2. You learn ‘interesting’ terminology

Trust me, to this day I still wish I could go back to the time in my life when I didn’t know what ‘snowballing’ or ‘teabagging’ means (a heads up: if you’re really curious about what it means, don’t google it at work. Seriously. Just don’t).  

3. You start looking for your own version of Gideon Cross or Christian Grey

No further explanation is needed here. The internet memes (especially those funny e-cards) speak for themselves.

4. You memorise the page numbers with all the naughty bits

And if you don’t, well, the dog-eared pages will certainly be there to tell the story for you, won’t it?

5. You feel guilty that you enjoy it so much and do your best to hide it

People can be so judge-y when it comes to what other people like to read. Erotic fiction is, without a doubt, one of the genres that is most heavily discriminated against.

Frankly, I don’t see why, given that a) it’s none of your business and b) it’s been said to have saved marriages.

Read away and stop giving a rat’s arse what people have to say about your choices in reading material.

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